


Butterfly Effect

by Heellen



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:41:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 26,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28892301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heellen/pseuds/Heellen
Summary: Something about blind dates is not working fine with her. But maybe stepping out of her comfort zone and taking a little risk might prove more interesting than she initially thought. // Hailey and Jay in very different situations than usual - not partner, not friends, but maybe something more.
Relationships: Jay Halstead/Hailey Upton
Comments: 8
Kudos: 86





	1. Chapter 1

"It doesn't seem like a good idea."

Hailey shook her head several times under the light snow while her hand gripped firmly the phone against her ear. Her step was nervous and she couldn't help but snort as she looked at the pub across the street.

" _You were fine with it. Why are you doing this now?_ "

Liz's voice sounded slightly exasperated on the other side of the line and maybe, she wasn't really sure, even amused.

"I'm not seeing a good side in going on a blind date." She hissed.

" _It's not really a blind date. You already know his brother._ "

"No, Liz. You are the one who already knows his brother." She corrected her with anger.

" _Yup. And you trust me, so have fun._ "

Liz interrupted the call leaving her unable to answer her.

Hailey mumbled again as she slipped the phone into a pocket of her coat and dusted off the light snow that seemed to whiten all of Chicago.

It wasn't correct to say that she didn't know Will, she knew him. Just…not so well. She had met him a couple of times when she went out with Liz and her co-workers. He was nice and seemed like a good guy. But, honestly, she wasn't sure she wanted to trust him. And a blind date with his brother was really the last thing she wanted. But Liz had asked her to go - begged her, actually - and Hailey had only accepted because it seemed so important to her friend.

She looked around, now inside the pub, looking for a man she had never seen. She knew he was tall but well, it was really easy to be taller than her - so that wasn't really helping.

Liz had told her that he would recognize her and that didn't really make her relax. She hated not knowing everything. A man, who knows who, maybe at that moment was staring at her - studying her - looking for her weak points and...

"Are you Hailey?"

Her thoughts were interrupted by a man, actually really tall, who was holding out a hand to her with an uncertain smile on his face.

"Sorry, I…Will told me to look for a woman with really, really blonde hair - those were his words and…I'm Jay, anyway."

"Will's brother, yeah." She smiled gently as she reached out on the stool to reach for his outstretched hand.

"I know, I'm late, sorry. I'm never late but I had a problem and…"

"Don't worry. Just arrived." She followed him onto two stools at the corner of the counter and it didn't escape her how his first instinct was to sit down where he could see the door.

"So, can I be honest?" She waited for his nod before continuing, "I'm not exactly a fan of blind dates."

"That makes two of us." He laughed, shaking his head.

"Then why are you here?"

"I can ask you the same, you know."

The tease was quick and…easy, she found herself thinking.

"Yeah, anyway…" He started waving a hand in the air, "Will is…insufferable sometimes. I'm fine, but he doesn't seem to like my way of life. And every now and then I just please him."

Hailey hid the laugh behind her hands.

"My friend knows Will. I'm not sure how it happened but she forced me to go on a blind date and…here I am."

"Well, now you could pretend you're happy to be here." Jay mimicked a hurt expression touching his chest.

"Yeah okay, it could have been worse."

Jay waved a hand with a laugh, "Yeah yeah, I'm pretending to believe you. What would you like to drink?"

"Hmm, a beer. You choose for me."

Jay gives her a lively smile before leaning over the counter to join the bartender.

"So you're a beer girl. I didn't think so."

"Oh, what did you think?"

"Wine girl? You have the face of a wine girl." He nodded confirming his own idea.

"Yeah, no. I'm the 'tonight I want beer and I drink beer' type of girl." She looked at him for a second, "But I have nothing against wine."

"I bet on it."

It seemed too easy to end up in a funny conversation with him. It was just something she hadn't expected.

Blind dates, dating guys - definitely not something she was focusing on at that time in her life. And when Liz had arranged this date for her, Hailey just wanted to get into bed and turn off her phone for days.

But, against all odds, she ended up finding Jay funny and interesting - and him being really handsome, only made her night better.

She was taking their second round of beer from the bartender, when Jay started furiously typing something on the phone. He had looked at his phone several times during the night and she had almost expected him to find an excuse to leave.

"You know, if there's something you need to do, you can go."

"No, it's okay." Jay shook his head and slipped his phone into his jeans pocket.

"I noticed you looking at the phone several times. There's really no problem if you want to leave. Not a fan of blind dates, I remember."

She tried to joke but she had to hide the blush on her cheeks behind the beer.

"I just…I'm on a hard case. But that's not a problem. I'm sorry, I didn't want to disrespect you."

He was sincere - she knew people well enough to understand that he was really sincere.

Or maybe, it was all the fault of his eyes because, honestly, they were really green and she wasn't sure she'd ever seen eyes like that.

Hailey shook her head trying to focus on something other than his eyes, "Case?"

"I thought you already knew. I am a cop."

"Oh, a cop. I should have known."

Jay laughed again, "Oh, really?"

"Eh you know, this whole self-confidence thing."

They looked at each other in silence for a few seconds, before they both burst out laughing.

"No, okay. You chose a corner seat and sat down where you could always see the entrance."

Jay stared at her silently, his eyes closing and opening a couple of times but he stood still the entire time. It was only when she thought she said the wrong thing that he nodded.

"I like being in control, yeah. But you…you are interesting." Jay studied her silently and Hailey held his gaze with ease.

She had learned so many years ago to keep her eyes blank, so she didn't find it that hard.

"Ok, I'm unsure." He looked at her again, "Psychiatrist or psychologist?"

"You already knew." She hissed, "Will told you, admit it."

Jay laughed, laughed out loud. A laugh that moved her more than it should have.

"No, I swear to you. I didn't know! So tell me!"

"Psychologist…" She chewed the word between her teeth, "How did you do it?"

Jay shrugged indifferently, "You've been watching me all night."

"Well, it seems I'm on a date with you."

"Ah, no." He waved a finger in front of her face, "You watched how I gestured, where I put my hands. You waited patiently for me to answer you. And that indifferent face - you didn't fool me for a second."

"You - you know my job…"

She realized she said the wrong thing when she saw the way he stiffened on his stool. She had seen many cops having therapy, so she assumed that he too had to attend. But she didn't know why, there was just something about him that…she was sure there was something else underneath, something else he obviously didn't want to talk about.

"Sorry, I didn't want to…" She reached out to touch his arm, but before she could really touch it he jerked away.

"I have to make a call, sorry. Can you wait a minute?"

He didn't even give her time to nod that he'd already disappeared into the crowd with his coat on and she had nothing else to do but look at the place he'd just left empty.

The more the minutes passed the more she felt stupid.

He could just, maybe, tell her that he would go away. He didn't really need to ditch her like that. She hadn't been so rude and she hadn't insisted on his life so much.

Maybe there was a reason why he was still alone, if Will didn't like his way of life - as he said. Maybe he was unable to share his life with anyone.

He had seemed so sincere all night and now she was feeling twice as stupid as she was at that moment. After nearly twenty minutes sitting alone, she left a bill for the bartender before leaving the pub.

She noted with a hint of joy that the snow still hadn't stopped and, after putting her hat on her ears, she crossed the street.

The snow crunched under her boots with her every step and, like every time, she found the noise incredibly relaxing. Chicago had this magical atmosphere, under the snow, that made her happy every year. She waited for the day of the first snowfall like a child.

"Hailey!"

Faster steps than hers approached her and Jay barred her way with his arms out.

"I'm sorry! I know, I had to make…"

"…a call, you said so." She nodded at him smiling closely, "After twenty minutes I thought you went straight to work."

"I'm sorry, really."

"It's okay, you already said that. Anyway, it's late and I'm working tomorrow, so…" She made a sweeping gesture towards the street before passing him.

"I can drive you home. I parked nearby!"

His words were much faster than the rest of the night, he seemed almost…worried.

"I live two blocks from here. I'm fine walking."

Hailey stopped after a few seconds, missing his footsteps behind her. When she turned, she saw him standing in the middle of the street, his hair already white with snow.

"I'm sorry, Hailey. I'm sincere. I didn't think it would be but…it was a good night. I didn't want to ruin it."

Something passed over his face, just for a second, but long enough for her to notice. He was regret, maybe.

"It's fine. You can take me if you want - but let's walk." She added immediately after starting to walk again.

Hailey smiled into the scarf when another couple of steps began to creak in the snow beside her.

"I actually made a work call." Jay sighed after a few minutes of silence.

"Yeah, I believe you."

"But it lasted less than twenty minutes."

"Believe that too." Hailey laughed at him briefly.

"It's just that…there are things I don't like to talk about."

Hailey slowed in her footsteps and turned slightly towards him, "I'm okay with that. It was supposed to be a good night, nothing demanding."

Jay nodded slowly, the snow was falling in big flakes all around them and the silence was so deep it didn't even feel like they were still in Chicago.

Hailey slowed down in front of her place and, for the first time in a couple hours, a slight nervous began to slide down her spine.

"Well, it was a…"

"…good night, yes." Jay laughed stopping at her alley, "So, I was thinking. I might call you, can I?"

"Call me? So would you like having my number? " Hailey giggled.

"Yeah. I mean, you know, professionally. "

"Oh, professionally."

Jay smiled slowly, brushing snow off his hair, "Maybe not just professionally."

"Maybe not just professionally." Hailey slowly repeated his words, pretending to evaluate his offer, "Yeah, you're right. You know, professionally, you never know."

She fished a business card out of her pocket and slowly handed it to him. His gentle smile was still there and Hailey hold back from rolling her eyes. He was so…damned cute.

Jay looked at the business card between her fingers before reaching out and taking her hand - the little sheet tight in their palms.

"It was nice meeting you."

"Yup."

They looked at each other in silence for a few seconds before they both burst out laughing.

"Okay, this is getting weird." Hailey pulled her hat down over her ears feeling Jay's gaze on her.

It was strange, it was great. It was…new. Jay was something new. Quiet and fun at the same time, he seemed to be something other than what he wanted to make people think of himself.

"Good night, Hailey. I hope to see you again, in one way or another."

His hand was warm in her — it was really warm, despite the cold of that night.

"Good night."

Hailey walked away slowly and when the door closed behind her, she told herself that maybe yes, maybe that blind date hadn't gone so badly.


	2. Chapter 2

Liz ran her hands through her hair shaking the head, "Today was a hell of a day. Hell of a day!"

"So, drink to forget." Meg laughed, her black hair pulled up into a high ponytail.

"I don't want to forget."

"You said it was a hell of a day..."

"Yeah okay, but it's just something you say. I delivered two babies!"

"You have so many problems." Meg shook her head taking a big bite of the pizza in front of her.

Hailey laughed at her friends. Liz had her eyes bright with the excitement of the day. She had been an obstetrician for years, but she never stopped getting excited about what she did every day.

"What about you, Hails? Do you have something to tell us?" Liz turned to her with a feline smile from behind her beer.

Hailey shrugged indifferently, "I met a guy."

Liz brandished her beer with enthusiasm, "Oh oh, Halstead's brother!"

"You met a… What? I can't believe it!", Meg jumped on the stool, "When? Who? And?"

"You're making it bigger than it is." Hailey sighed giggling.

"C'mon! You haven't dated anyone in years!"

Hailey snorted as she took another slice of pizza.

"Yeah, well, there is no need to remember all her mistakes." Liz slapped Meghan's hand.

"I was just saying…" She nodded with conviction, "So? Can you tell me something?"

"Yeah, uhm…we went for a drink, it was fine."

Liz and Meg gaped at her, waiting for her to continue. But Hailey didn't really have much to say.

They went out for a drink, it was fine.

"And…? C'mon!"

"And nothing more. Jay was nice and funny."

"You didn't like him… Ah, Will told me he could be your type…"

"You two talking about my personal life is a little terrifying."

"Yeah, yeah." She brushed her off with a wave of her hand, "Go ahead."

"Yes, no. He was cute, but I guess neither of us wanted anything more."

"Hailey, honey." Meg sighed forgetting the pizza in front of her, "We know your last stories weren't exactly..."

"Yeah, they didn't end well, but…" Liz backs Meghan.

"That doesn't mean it can't work with someone else!"

Hailey sighed slowly trying not to assault her friends.

She knew they spoke for her own good. It was just that she wasn't really interested in a love story. She had relied on the wrong men in her past. And she now she wanted to focus on work - less disappointment, more focus. It was her motto for the past two years.

"It's not that I didn't like him. But I just think…just now we're not interested in a relationship, neither of us."

"So you liked him!" Liz smiled triumphantly.

"He was..." Hailey weighed her words carefully, "Nice and smart, yeah."

"Now let's talk about something interesting, finally! Tell us about him!"

"Completely different from Will!" Hailey laughed thinking about the difference between the two brothers, "He has green eyes. And the freckles."

Meg leaned across the table listening to her, "Freckles? This is really interesting."

"Will has freckles!"

"Yeah, no, not as many as Jay! Freckles everywhere!"

Liz's eyebrows reached her hairline, "Everywhere?"

"Everywhere, on his face!"

"You're blushing! God, she's blushing! " Liz leaned towards Meghan laughing.

"I'm not…it's not true!" Hailey gasped a few seconds before bursting out laughing and hiding behind a slice of pizza. She was definitely blushing, she knew it very well.

"You're so interested in him!"

"Call him!"

Liz and Meghan jokingly pushed her.

"No chance. I don't have his number. "

"You haven't... Sorry, but haven't I taught you anything in these years of friendship?"

Meg put a hand to her chest in shock.

"He has mine and he hasn't called me, so..."

"He's a Detective, he had been busy, I guess."

"A Detective? Oh god, this man is getting better!" Meg ate her pizza in silence, while Liz looked at her giggling.

Maybe they were right, maybe he has been busy. Maybe that was why he hadn't called her yet. Or maybe - and this was more logical - it was true that he had asked for her number for professional reasons. Maybe just like her, Jay wasn't looking for anything.

Hailey shrugged and feigned a selfless laugh. She was fine like that, whatever was going on in her life, she still had her job.

She smiled gently at her friends letting her date with Jay slip into a part of her mind that she hoped to forget.

"Tell us about these two babies you delivered, c'mon."

...

Hailey turned her coffee over in her hands, staring out the window. The day was about to end and she couldn't wait to take a long hot shower and get into bed. She only had one more appointment then she would be free to go home.

She loved her office, she had a perfect view of her favorite time of day: the sunset. That day was the first sunny day and, at that moment, the sun was a ball of fire on the horizon.

It had been a week since she'd seen Jay and, not that she really counted the days, but he had never called her back. It would have been easy to get his number, she would have just had to go to Med and ask Will, but she really didn't really want it.

Meg slowly opened her office door, "Hey, I have half an hour to spare. Do you want to go down for a coffee?"

"Too cold." She raised her steaming cup shaking her head, "I just made coffee, have some."

She waited for Meghan to pour herself a cup before giving up and confessing what had been troubling her for hours.

"Okay, I…I'm feeling stupid. But I wonder, why didn't he call me?"

Meg stared at her silently, her eyes narrowed in two slits against the sun.

"I mean, honestly, I thought it went well. I thought well enough at least to go out one more time. Why am I so denied with men?"

Her friend laughed slightly as she sat down on the couch, "You're not denied, you know. You're just overreacting. And you really like him."

Hailey shook her head, "It's… it's not like I know him that well. He was interesting, though."

"You can't analyze him, you know it. You can't analyze all the men you date."

Hailey stared at her feeling a pang of discomfort in her stomach, "I don't want to analyze him! I'm saying he was an interesting and funny man. But maybe I'm not enough for him."

"You don't suck, Hails. He is a cop, you said so, he has surely been busy. I think he will call you." Meg stood up stretching her arms over her head, "And if he doesn't, well, worse for him."

"Yeah, this is what I keep telling myself..." Hailey sighed looking out the window, "I don't know."

"You think too much, honey." They were silent for a few seconds, before Meg continued, "You don't seem to be you - so insecure. Do you want to see him again? Just ask Will for his number and call him."

It was all so simple for Meg: think and act. And honestly, Hailey had always been like that too: she thinks and acts. But now, did it make sense? Did it make sense to jump in and take risks? She was no longer convinced.

They were interrupted by her last appointment of the day and, before she could think about Jay again, she was already returning home braving the cold of the Chicago evening.

...

"Upton."

She answered the phone with a sigh and leaned back in the chair. She had had a hellish morning and now she was just waiting for Meg to finish the last session to go to lunch. She had slept little that night, and now she was tired. And it seemed like it never wanted to stop snowing. The burning sun of the previous day was only a distant memory and Chicago seemed asleep under a blanket of snow.

" _Uhm, hi. I have this business card that says psychologist and behavior analyst. But you know, I thought I dated just a psychologist._ "

Suddenly the voice on the other side of the line caught all of her attention. She sat up straight as if she had just been shocked and, really, she didn't need to ask who had just called her.

"Jay, hi." She took a slow breath before getting up and closing the door of her office.

" _How are you?_ "

"I'm…fine, what about you?"

" _Eh, I'm gonna say the same._ " Jay laughed with a low laugh, " _What are you doing?_ "

"I'm at work, Jay."

" _Yeah, and I was thinking…_ " His voice faded and she heard him scream something away from the phone, " _Ah, sorry. I could be on my lunch break and…I don't know, would you like a lunch?_ "

Hailey was silent for a second. She shouldn't leave Meg alone, but she really doubted she would mind.

"It's freezing outside."

Jay laughed again, " _My car has a heater, you know?_ "

"Yeah, well, I really can't give up on this offer."

" _I'm happy to hear that, Hailey. Is it okay if I'm at your office in twenty minutes?_ "

"It works for me."

Jay had called her back and god, was it so wrong to feel happy about it?

...

"God, it's really freezing out there."

Hailey set their lunch down on the center console of his truck before clutching her hands between her thighs, closing her eyes and enjoying the warm wind in his car.

"Yes and I've been in a van all night. I thought I was going to freeze to death." Jay chuckled beside her, brushing his hair off the snow before grabbing his Mac and cheese.

"Why didn't you want to go sit inside?"

"Too many people."

Hailey saw him squint his eyes slightly against the light outside the windshield before looking at her, "But if you prefer, we can go inside."

"I'm fine here." She sank a little deeper into the seat, "Do you have a headache?"

Jay chuckled again, squinting his eyes in her direction.

"Oh oh, look at her as she analyzes me."

Hailey pulled her hat deeper over her ears, hiding her embarrassment behind her hands.

"I've been suffering from headaches for years, I recognize the symptoms."

"I'm fine." Jay shrugged and chewed slowly, "I've had a hard week."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really, Hailey."

Not for the first time, Hailey noticed how good her name said by him. And maybe this awareness surprised her more than it should have.

"Just saying." She buried her nose in her Mac and cheese and they ate in silence for a few minutes.

Chicago was immersed in white snow and it seemed to have no real intention of stopping and the world outside his car seemed to crystallize - magical and scary at the same time.

"So, we want to talk about you, behavioral analyst? You didn't tell me."

"Yeah well, not like we really talked about our jobs, Detective."

She underlined her last word, causing a low laugh from the man sitting next to her.

"Touchè."

They looked at each other for a second, and with the white light all around them, his green eyes seemed even lighter.

Jay closed his eyes for a second while breathing deeply, "Okay. I think I owe you an explanation, after the other night you know."

Hailey looked at him silently, giving him plenty of time to weigh the words to say.

"I was in the Rangers, two tours in Afghanistan." Jay took a deep breath and Hailey cut him off before he could continue.

"Jay, you don't owe me any explanation."

"I know, but I want to. I wasn't…I don't like talking about it. There are some things that…no thanks." Jay broke into a bitter laugh that made her a little doubtful.

"Okay, that's not a big deal to me."

"Yes, no. It is for me, though." Jay shifted in his seat, "The last relationships I had, didn't - Listen, I just wanted to tell you. Not as if I could hide from you that there is something wrong with me, right?"

"No." Hailey shook her head violently, "There's nothing wrong with you."

"Yeah, whatever." Jay cut her off with a shrug of the shoulders, a veil of indifference had fallen on his face hiding his true expression, "I didn't want to make this lunch weird. I wanted to call you earlier, but I had a case and..."

"Yes, I wanted to too." She nodded completely sincerely.

"And what stopped you?"

Hailey laughed heartily, "I didn't have your number, Jay!"

His embarrassed expression only increased her amusement.

"So, Detective, where do you work?"

"Uh, 21st district, Intelligence - you know, the coolest and smartest ones."

"Yes, I bet it." Hailey laughed heartily and it seemed absurd to spend most of her time laughing with this man. It was natural and spontaneous and it seemed the shadow he had in his eyes until a few moments ago had finally vanished.

"I've never collaborated with anyone from that district. I have been a consultant for the police several times, but never there."

"You're missing the best then."

Jay smiled at her, warm and welcoming. And not for the first time, her heart beat faster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all, just this :)   
> H.


	3. Chapter 3

"How many appointments do you have this afternoon?"

Meghan moaned as she turned the straw of the coke in her glass, "Four. I'll never finish today."

"Maybe we should go."

"Oh, c'mon. Two more minutes. I don't want to get up."

Meg shook her head and slumped slightly in her chair. She was always so dramatic about everything that involved an afternoon of work.

Hailey chuckled stretching her legs under the table, "I'm going to the bathroom for a moment. I'll be right back."

She stayed in the bathroom for a few minutes, long enough to wash her hands and receive a desperate message from Meg about her begging Hailey not to come back to work that afternoon. Hailey chuckled looking in the mirror before returning to the table, her friend could be so stupidly dramatic but she never got tired of these theatrics.

She was walking slowly with the phone in her hand when she heard something that caught her attention. A short, low laugh - one that part of her mind recognized immediately .

She turned her head only to focus on Jay standing behind the counter waiting. He was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest and a blue hat on his head.

She automatically moved to join him when she finally saw the person he was laughing with. Hailey stopped in her footsteps, watching the woman standing in front of him. She was saying something with the phone in her hands and he burst into another laugh. And Hailey couldn't help but take a few steps back to hide.

She didn't want to be seen and, at the same time, she couldn't move. She looked at her, tall and with soft brown curls and something very similar to annoyance blossomed in her stomach.

It wasn't until the waitress bumped into her that Hailey realized she was standing in the middle of the diner.

When she reached Meg, she gave her a tight smile as her whole brain was busy kicking itself.

She had been dating Jay for a few weeks and she didn't think he...

She had never been a jealous person and, above all, she wasn't sure what was going on between them. What she was sure of, though, was that she wasn't dating anyone else and she thought he was doing the same thing too. But maybe she was wrong.

"You okay?" Meg asked, leaning a little towards her.

Hailey closed her eyes before slowly nodding.

"Good. Ready to go? It's getting late."

She picked up the bag before wrapping the scarf around her neck. They left the diner and she was never so happy with the crowd in person at the entrance. She used Meghan as a human shield having really no desire for him to see her and having to give explanations.

She initially thought that an afternoon in the office with no appointments was going to be her bane, but she had never been so wrong. The papers kept her busy for well beyond the usual working hours and when she finally came home, it was after dinner time and she just wanted to go to bed.

But her plans wouldn't let her because she was supposed to meet Jay at a pub across Chicago and she was already late.

_Jay_. She was definitely annoyed. Even jealous, maybe. It wasn't that there was anything serious between them. But there was something, or at least so she thought. She didn't believe he would have committed to going out with her for those weeks if he had something to do with someone else.

She didn't know, that's it. And that bothered her to death.

She had always been good at understanding people, but with him she wasn't. She wasn't and she didn't want to be. She didn't want to screw it up by studying him because she just wanted that thing, whatever it was, to have a chance to work.

Her mind continued to travel away from her even as she was looking for parking. She wanted to talk to him, ask him what they were doing. But, maybe, she was just a little scared.

"Hey."

Hailey turned at the sound of his voice and, for the first time in several hours, her brain slowed down.

She smiled at him as she slowly reached him, "Hey, hi."

"I hope you don't mind if I chose this place but…we used to come here."

Hailey looked inside the pub from the window next to them, "We used?"

"With my unit. It's run by some firefighters we know, so yeah, we like it a lot."

Jay laughed as he walked towards the entrance.

"Uh, Jay!" Her mouth opened before she could think and he immediately turned to look at her.

She wasn't someone who was easily intimidated, nor was she undecided. But right now, she just thought she was in danger of ruining something good. Yet, there was a worm in her head kept telling her that he was dating someone else.

"Yeah?"

"I…gosh. I have to tell you something."

"Okay, I don't think the problem is the pub, right?" Jay slipped his hands in his pockets looking at her sideways.

"This thing, between us. I mean, no." She shook her head inhaling hard, "What are we doing?"

Jay studied her for a few seconds, and when he was about to speak, she anticipated him.

"I saw you today. With a woman."

"Hailey." Jay gave a big smile before shaking his head in amusement, "I'm not dating anyone else, if that's what you're asking."

Hailey shook her head, "No, I mean, it's okay if you want to hang out with other people. But that's not good for me, I'm not that kind of person. So just be clear."

"Okay, I need some help here. What's going on?" He said confused - genuinely confused.

"Today, for lunch. But it's not like I was spying on you!" She quickly pointed out, "I was there and I saw you. And it's okay to go out with other people, do what you want. But here, not with me."

Her hair fluttered in the wind and she took a second before realizing the guilty smile that was breaking out on his face.

"Hailey. I'm not really dating any other girl. Believe me." Jay took a step toward her reaching out until he touched her hand.

"It was Kim." He said slowly, then added, "Today, lunch break. You saw me with my partner, my work partner."

"Ah, she was your partner. Okay." Hailey nodded, thinking quickly.

"Come with me, c'mon." Jay was still laughing as he grabbed her hand to drag her into the pub.

They picked a corner table, one of the few still free, and as Jay went to get their drinks, she could still see him shake his head and giggle.

From the amused smile he kept wearing, it was very clear she would never feel the end of what had just happened and she knew it well.

She watched him talk to the barman, smiling and relaxed, and for the first time in a long time she felt comfortable with a man. She didn't quite know what was in him to make her feel this way, she just knew she liked that feeling.

She didn't know him well and from what she had understood, he wouldn't easily let her see through his own monsters. But she also had so many monsters and she didn't really want to open the box of worms about her past. But she knew that if she wanted to, she could do it with him.

"So..." Jay set the beers down on the table with an amused smile and she returned to the present in front of his green eyes.

"Will you ever stop pulling this story out?" She snorted a laugh as she grabbed her beer.

"Oh no, impossible. Damn, Kim will go crazy when I'll tell her."

Hailey coughed up the beer she had inhaled, "She doesn't need to know!"

"No, there is no need, but it's really fun."

Jay smiled stupidly at her as he hit her foot with hers.

It was something they started doing shortly after they started dating - brushing, touching.

That Jay wasn't a lover of physical contact was clear early on and Hailey was fine with that. She knew there were things from his past that he still struggled with and she had no intention of forcing him.

But despite this, Hailey remembered well the first time he really sought contact with her.

It had been quick and almost casual, but his gentle look was the only confirm Hailey needed.

And now, from time to time, it was nice to feel his hand slide against hers, or his foot hitting her under the table.

"So stupid you are." Hailey laughed seeing him stretch on the stool.

"Yes, thank you. It's my best quality."

Jay gave her another light kick and Hailey shook her head and took a sip of beer.

"All day with you and I find you here too!" The same woman she had seen with him a few hours earlier, now she patted him on the back laughing.

"You're my nightmare." Jay snorted away from her.

"You keep repeating it and I still don't believe you." She shrugged before moving her gaze to her, "Hailey."

"It seems to be me, yes." She reached out to her.

"Hailey, this is Kim." Jay moved his eyebrows with a provocative look and she stopped herself from snorting at him. Let him be a donkey, and he'll be happy.

"It's nice to finally meet you." Kim underlined the 'finally' word by glaring at Jay.

She shifted slightly leaving room for her to add a stool to their table, "Would you like to join us?"

"No, thanks, or tomorrow this guy here will scold me for ruining his night with you." Kim smiled brightly at her as Jay folded his arms across his chest.

"This is not true."

Kim waved a finger at his face, "No, you would just be passive aggressive and I couldn't take you all day."

"Have you worked together for a long time?"

"Three years." Kim replied, earning a loud snort from the man.

"An eternity." He added dramatically.

"You love me."

"I put up with you."

Hailey laughed again at their exchange.

"Look how you smile, Jay Halstead. How cute you are when you smile." Kim pinched his cheek with her fingers and his face took on a strange shade of red that made his freckles stand out much more clearly.

Jay brushed her hand away with a rude gesture, "Yeah, whatever. What about your date?"

Her smile faded and Kim wrinkled her nose shaking her head, "Like a crap. I ran away."

"You ran away?" Jay laughed aloud shaking his head and Hailey giggled under her breath.

"He wasn't really my guy. I thought so but uh, no thanks."

Jay hid another laugh behind a cough, "Well, when I met him he seemed nice to me…"

"Go to dinner with him, then you'll change your mind." Kim shook her head, adamant, "A doctor. Why did I think dating a doctor was a good idea?"

"Ugh, I told you. Will is a doctor. Not a good example."

"I like Will." Hailey tried to defend the man.

"Oh, Will is great." Kim nodded with a smile and waved a hand at Jay casually, "He always has to complain. But that's not the point anyway."

Now she was looking at Hailey directly and she gladly reached out on the table to listen to her.

"He is a dermatologist!" She opened her eyes wide in shock.

"No!" Hailey shook her head and agreed, "What if he wanted to study your moles?"

"You did understand! It wasn't possible, no."

Jay was silent throughout the conversation before shrugging and pointing at both women.

"This. This…you two, you are dangerous together."

"Of course." Hailey smiled at him proudly.

"Well, my night is over. Not as I hoped but uh, it is what it is."

"See you tomorrow, partner."

Kim waved a hand in his direction before greeting Hailey with a big smile.

Left alone, Jay glanced at her smiling, "That was Kim."

"Yeah…she's nice."

"Okay, I have to ask you." Jay turned his nearly empty glass over in his hands, studying her for a few seconds, "Are you still jealous of her?"

"This is…" Hailey gasped for words, "This is a low blow and you know it!"

He laughed and nodded with conviction. In the dim light, the freckles were almost completely invisible, but his eyes were still so green.

"You two seem to be very close..." Hailey didn't really need to explain what she was referring to.

"In our line of work, at some point you bond with your partner. I have her back every day and I trust her to do the same to me. So yeah, we're pretty close. But she's as annoying as a younger sister." He wrinkled his nose dramatically and again she nodded in understanding.

"What about Intelligence?"

"Besides me and Kim, there are two other guys. And our sergeant who…well, he's a bit weird."

Hailey patiently waited for him to continue.

"Let's say that there are situations we want to face differently, yes."

"And...? Tell me more, I'm curious."

"You might meet them, you know? I mean, I don't promise you anything with all this Kim thing, because you know, with our dates..."

Hailey laughed out loud slapping his arm and couldn't help but notice how his face broke into a wide smile. Kim was right, it was nice to see him smile. Sometimes, his distant expression only gave the impression he was so detached from life as well. But when he laughed he was…young, and handsome.

"I'd like to."

Something flickered in his eyes and Hailey knew she surprised him. He was definitely not the man so self confident that he wanted everyone to see. He had insecurities that bothered him so much that he hid them under layers of seriousness and irony. But his eyes were…good - he was a good man.

"Oh wait, I have an idea." He slid with the stool closest to her and hunched over until his chest was in contact with her shoulder, "When you'll meet them, just try to see if you notice anything, among my co-workers."

Hailey smiled slowly at him, their faces much closer than she expected.

"I notice everything, you know."

Jay nodded solemnly as his eyes slid to her lips. He was so close and she would just have to stretch her face and...

"Hey, Halstead!"

A distant voice boomed his name and Jay jumped back on the stool. Hailey closed her eyes for a few seconds just to focus on what was about to happen.

She had been an inch from his lips - an inch from kissing him - but now there was nothing left but his arm touching her shoulder.

The fact that Jay had continued to seek contact with her throughout the night had been so heady that it left her wanting more.

She was about to kiss Jay Halstead and, honestly, she couldn't wait anymore.

He slipped into a light conversation with the man standing at their table and she gladly joined in their speech. But part of her couldn't stop glancing at Jay. She just wondered what it would be like to kiss him, what it would be like to feel his lips slide over hers.

"So are you the girl?"

Severide looked at her smiling, but before she could ask what he was referring to, Jay anticipated her.

"One night, Severide met with the rest of my unit here and they told him I was with a girl."

He shrugged indifferently.

"Ah well, yeah, I guess it's me." Hailey laughed before taking a sip of beer.

If she had gotten to know Jay enough, she knew that amused look on his face could only mean he was still remembering the whole Kim thing. And she refrained from snorting.

As soon as Severide finally greeted them and Jay turned back to her, Hailey picked up her coat and stood up, wanting just a little more time with him - the two of them alone.

She had loved meeting some of his friends, but she really couldn't wait to be alone with him again and it was pretty clear that it wouldn't happen soon if they stayed there.

"We're leaving, c'mon."

She didn't need to repeat her decision because, after a first moment of confusion, Jay grabbed his jacket and followed her. And like a couple of hours before, they took the path in reverse, but this time it was her who, grabbing his hand, dragged him out of the pub.

"Too many people in there."

She anticipated him as soon as she saw his mouth open in question.

He chuckled, catching up with her on the sidewalk.

"So, we were talking about your co-workers..."

"If you notice anything, yeah."

"About?"

"Eh." He laughed, shaking his head, "It's your job, not mine."

"You are taking advantage of this." Hailey laughed out loud as she hit his arm.

They walked in silence for a few seconds. The sounds of the city were muffled and distant, even though Chicago was a city that never slept. Their steps were slow and she could not help but throw a few quick glances at the silent man next to her.

"It was great meeting Kim." Hailey smiled as they pulled up in front of her car and looked up at Jay who, in turn, was staring at her intently. Something in his gaze made her clench her fists in her pockets. She had imagined kissing him all night and now he was there, in front of her, silent and beautiful.

"Hailey." Jay took a deep breath as he tilted his head slightly.

She had learned in those weeks how much she liked the way he said her name - just like a breath.

They looked at each other in silence for a few seconds and it almost seemed to be back to their first date - the agitation, the nervousness.

If she had listened to what her legs ordered, she would have run away without looking back. There was something in his eyes, something that it was a long time since she had seen - respect. And she didn't know if she could keep the reach of that gaze.

His eyes were big and…shy, maybe? And again, for a person whose job was to analyze human behavior, she looked at him and she didn't know what to think. They had known each other for a few weeks and she understood him well, maybe too much. And at the same time, there were times when she went completely on blind with him.

The slow way he leaned over her gave her plenty of time to understand his intentions and never, like at that time in her life, she was aware of her every nerve endings.

If her body reacted that way before kissing him, what would happen after kissing him?

She breathed slowly and before she really had a chance to feel his lips on hers, the sound of his phone seemed to awaken both of them.

"Ignore it." Jay shook his head inches from her face.

"You're not ignoring it, no." Hailey giggled as she pushed her hands against his chest. She savored the feel of his snort against the skin of her face as she closed her eyes briefly.

"It's not right." Jay muttered before putting the phone up to his ear, "Halstead. Yeah, that's fine. Fifteen minutes and I'll be there."

"You shouldn't have made me answer." He whimpered dramatically after closing the call, "I have to go. We are on a murder."

Hailey shook her head in amusement, "Crime never sleeps."

Jay smiled gently at her, brushing a lock of her hair out of her eyes, "I'm sorry the night ended like this."

Hailey shrugged, "It's work, it's fine."

"Really?"

"God, yes." She laughed out loud shaking her head.

He was able to be so confident and so shy at the same time and she couldn't help but finding him really sweet.

Jay was still staring at her, with that look that was managed to caress her like a balm, and she decided to do the only thing that probably would have caught him off guard.

She slipped her arms around his body sliding a little against him. She felt him stiffen for a moment, maybe long enough to realize it was just her hugging him. And then his arms were behind her back and she smiled with her face hidden in his coat.

"Stay safe, Detective."

Hailey hugged him one last time before finally getting into the car. She saw him stand on the sidewalk staring at her. His green eyes, for the first time since she had known him, looked quiet.

And Hailey had to breathe deeply still in disbelief at what hadn't happened.

She was about to kiss Jay Halstead and she still didn't believe it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm here to thank you all - It means so much for me.
> 
> Talk soon, H.


	4. Chapter 4

"Good morning, I'm here for Detective Halstead."

The woman across the desk looked at Hailey silently for a few seconds.

"And you are?"

"Hailey Upton, he called me."

"Oh, I don't doubt it."

The woman smiled maliciously bringing the telephone receiver to her ear.

She didn't have time to say more, because Jay's voice almost seemed to save her from being interrogated by the desk Sergeant in front of her.

"Sarge, I'll take care of it from here, thank you."

Jay gave her a big smile but he only earned an irritated snort and a wave of her hand and he seemed to get the message because he gestured in her direction towards the stairs.

"Sorry for the short notice but maybe you could help us. But the real question is, have you been on a murder case before?"

She nodded following him, "Yeah, of course. What's happened?"

Jay stared at her for a second before opening the gate, "Woman, 23. Found dead in the park in front of her home."

"Okay, and what am I here for?"

"She's the daughter of a Chicago banker and the family wants to close the situation quickly."

Hailey looked at him skeptically, "Close the situation on the murder of their daughter?"

Jay shrugged indifferently.

"Hailey! Twice in two days! I'm starting to like this!"

Kim approached her with a smile as they climbed the last step and suddenly Hailey realized she was going to meet all of his co-workers. Last night's speech was now very realistic and she wasn't surprised of not being afraid of that moment at all.

"Oh, finally the famous psychologist."

A voice surprised them from behind and Jay groaned beside her.

"This is Adam." He said, pointing to the man who had just approached, "He's an idiot, don't mind about him. And that's Kevin."

She waved a hand in their direction before her gaze stopped on the board with the photos.

"Okay, then. Gabriella Cobb, 23, was studying journalism at Chicago University." Kim leafed through a file rattling off a whole series of details, "A blow to the back of her neck that left no way out. Her body was found last night behind a bush in the park in front of her home."

Hailey nodded slowly as she walked over to the hanging photos.

"What about her family?"

"She lived with her parents, Andrew and Elizabeth and her older sister, Allison, 27 years old."

Kim slipped some photos onto a desk while Hailey continued to study those images in silence.

"Halstead, is she the consultant you told me about?"

The hoarse voice behind her dragged her brutally out of her thoughts and turning around, Hailey saw what she thought was the Sergeant leaning against the door of his office.

"Yes, Sarge. She is…"

Hailey interrupted Jay, extending a hand, "Hailey Upton. Nice to meet you."

It felt like she had seemed repeated her name a thousand times already that morning.

"Sergeant Hank Voight." The man eyed her with disdain and she could not help but behave in the same way, "This is my unit."

She nodded at his words while holding her position, until he turned around and disappeared into his office.

"Hailey." Jay stepped in front of her shaking his head, "Dealing with him can be a little…difficult sometimes."

She shrugged returning to the blackboard, "Do you already have an autopsy?"

"No. It should arrive soon. But…" Kevin walked over to her, "We're going to get her ex boyfriend for interrogating him. We need you to attend the interrogation."

"Yeah, sure."

"Hailey, I'm going out. You can sit at my desk." Jay handed her the large file he was holding in his hands after putting on his coat. The same coat from the night before, she noted with pleasure.

She gave him a quick glance before placing the file on the desk next to Voight's office and, in front of Jay's confused gaze, she laughed softly.

"Isn't that your desk?"

"Uhm, yeah, it is."

She shrugged enjoying his gaze, "From here you can see the whole room. I know you like control."

Hailey grinned hiding behind her hair, before sitting down on the edge of the desk. The blackboard in front of her and the file open on her lap.

Adam smirked, "This was interesting."

"I had to see it coming." Jay laughed, a hint of admiration floating in his expression.

She softly smiled already reading the papers.

She was left alone with Adam and Kevin and the rhythmic ticking of their fingers echoed in the silent space. It was a quiet and concentrated silence, and studying the photos of the body and the place where it was found was incredibly easy for her.

It wasn't the first murder case she worked on and it probably wouldn't even be the last, but each time she found it so strange thinking that until a few hours before that body had emotions, sparkling eyes and a beating heart.

Hailey leaned against Kevin's desk, "What do you think of her ex boyfriend?"

"Trevor Riley, he's a small time drug dealer. Clean record, no prior." He shrugged before reaching his arms over his head.

Adam rolled the chair over to them, "Victim's parents said she had been acting weird for a couple of months."

Hailey wrinkled her nose, "How weird?"

"Distant, as if she had so many things on her mind." Adam flipped through his notebook, "Initially they thought it was because of her studies, then they found out she and Trevor had broken up."

She nodded again with her mind lost somewhere else. There was something in the photos of her body she could not understand. Something that she made a bell ring in her brain but she couldn't really focus on what it was.

It was nearly two hours and at least two cups of coffee when Jay's voice made her sit straighter in the chair. If he was there, it meant she was about to witness the interrogation. And this could only mean that she was finally able to clarify her thoughts about that murder. So, she simply followed Voight in the small room down the hall..

"Trevor." Kim slowly sat down in front of him as Jay stood leaning against the wall.

"I don't know what you want from me. I did nothing."

"Yeah, that's what everyone says." Jay grinned, "Where were you last night around 9pm?"

He shrugged, "I was around."

"I need you to be more specific."

Trevor snapped, reaching across the table, "What the hell do you want from me?"

He looked around like a caged animal.

"Trevor." Kim repeated it slowly opening the file in front of her, "We're asking you, where were you last night?"

"And I answer you the same way. I was around. I have some friends who can confirm it."

The guy crossed his arms on his chest, challenging them with his eyes.

"How long has it been since you saw Gabriella Cobb?"

His back straightened and he looked at Kim for a few seconds, "Gabriella? Why?"

"Can you just answer a damn question?" Jay sighed as he leaned his head against the wall.

Trevor gaped at him, it was obvious he wasn't expecting that question.

"I don't know, three months. I think."

Hailey saw Kim cross her hands, "You really haven't seen her again?"

"No, I…she broke up with me three months ago. I haven't seen her since, no."

"So..." Jay sat down on the table, "If we checked the cameras in her area, wouldn't we see you walking around there?"

Trevor looked at him for a few seconds before lowering his gaze.

"No. I don't know anything about her anymore."

Hailey nodded to herself, before turning to Voight, "He knows something about her. He recently saw her."

He grunted something like an affirmative answer and she returned to focus on the scene before them.

"And why did she break up with you?" Kim continued.

"I guess it was because of her family." He snorted bitterly, "I just was out of her league. This is what her sister kept telling me."

"So Gabriella let herself be influenced?"

"I guess so." Trevor nodded slowly, his impudence now forgotten, "What does Gabriella have to do with it?"

Kim continued as if he hadn't spoken, "Do you still love her?"

Something slipped into his gaze, immediately hidden by indifference. Something that, however, did not escape Hailey. Regret and maybe even pain. He was undoubtedly still in love with her.

"I'm still not sure how it fits in."

"Listen to me, Trevor, when we ask you something, can you only answer clearly? You would make it easier for us." Kim ran her hands through her hair and tossed it onto her back.

He was silent for a few seconds, his hands clenched on the table until his knuckles were white.

"I loved her very much. And I was angry because I didn't want to believe she broke up with me. But it's been months, I understand her point of view."

"So you don't have a grudge for her?"

"Can you just tell me what's going on?"

Now he looked almost desperate and Hailey had no doubts about his innocence.

Jay leaned slightly towards him, "Gabriella's body was found tonight in the park in front of her house."

"Her…her body?"

Jay pretended not to have heard him and continued, "She was killed and left in a park. So I'm asking you again, where were you last night? "

Trevor stared for a few photos that Kim had now spread across the table before replying.

"I was really around."

"Sergeant." Hailey turned to him, "Now is a good time to stop the interrogation."

"Excuse me?" Voight crossed his arms across his chest trying to intimidate her.

"Trust me. Just finish the interrogation and leave those photos there with him."

They challenged each other in silence for a few seconds and, again, Voight grunted before disappearing.

Maybe that was the best way he had to communicate, Hailey reasoned. Not that she was particularly impressed by his techniques of intimidating her, he wanted to be a hard man with a person who was helping them on a case - not a good business card, after all.

Hailey stood watching Trevor even after Jay and Kim had left. The guy looked around a few times, as if looking for a way out, before returning to focus on the photos in front of him.

"Hey." Jay surprised her from behind, "What do you think?"

"It's not him, Jay."

He stared at her tilting his head, "You sure?"

"Totally sure. Look at him." She pointed to the guy in the interrogation room, "He's scared watching those photos and struggles to really focus on them. Look at his hands."

Jay nodded slowly, his breath brushing the side of her face.

"He would like to touch her but he's still incredulous. He still loves her, but would he kill her? He had no idea she had been killed. "

"Okay, come on."

His hand slid down her back and accompanied her down the hall.

She was enjoying this so much, working with him, seeing how he went through the day, how he faced work.

His hand lost contact with her back as they turned the corner to return to the bullpen and she followed him to his desk. Leaning against the glass behind her, she saw them circle the whiteboard interacting with each other.

"Trevor isn't our man." Jay's voice made them stop and all their faces mirrored their shock.

"No? He has a motive though."

"Hailey." Jay nodded to her and she jumped.

"He was genuinely amazed by the news of the murder. He didn't expect it. And he was scared watching the photos Kim showed him."

"Well, it's not the first time that a murderer hasn't been able to look at photos of his own crime." Adam shrugged, stretching his legs under the desk.

"He's still in love with her." Hailey explained calmly, "He can't look at the photos because he can't see the woman he loves dead."

"So you are telling me this is a dead end? That we have nothing?" Voight became impatient as he walked between the desks.

Hailey thought of the image of a caged animal and she had to restrain a laugh.

"No, I didn't say that."

Jay's head snapped in her direction so quickly that his neck probably creaked in disagreement, "What?"

"Maybe he knows something without really knowing it."

Voight's grunt made her want to throw a punch at him, but she inspired deeply before risking really losing her temper.

"He said he hasn't seen Gabriella in three months."

"Since she broke up with him, yes." Kim nodded.

Hailey smiled, "Exactly. But it's not true. He saw her. And if you look at the camera tapes…" She turned to Jay, "I can bet that for the past seven days he had been near her home."

After a second of silence, Adam jumped in his chair, "The tapes came ten minutes ago. I'm going to check."

"Atwater, go with him. And hurry up." Voight waved a hand in their direction, before returning to stare at Hailey.

She held his gaze quietly - as if she really could be intimidated by him. And after a while, he slipped into his office to grab his coat and go down the stairs.

Hailey let out a breath she didn't think to hold, letting herself fall slowly onto Jay's desk.

"This was cool." Kim gave her high five with a smile, "And between us, I think you're right. He's not our man."

Hailey shrugged with a slight smile on her lips.

It was weird and funny to see how that team moved so in unison. The other times she had collaborated with the police it had never been so…interesting.

Her attention was drawn again to the photos hang on the whiteboard and, again, the pose of Gabriella's body left her confused.

"Let's take a coffee." Jay tapped her leg with the pen before heading to the break room and she hopped up behind him happily accepting the third cup of coffee of the day.

Jay closed the door behind her and finally, after hours, she realized she could let her stiffen pose slip away slightly.

"So, I have to admit it was quite unexpected."

She tilted her head waiting for him to be clearer, "I mean, with Voight."

"Eh." She snorted, "Men who challenge me just to test my ability annoy me."

"He's a good Sergeant." Jay shrugged, "But he can be a little rude, that's true."

"Oh well, I don't have many problems. It's just the job, both for me and for him."

She smiled as she grabbed the cup he was holding out to her.

"Yeah, I've noticed that you have no problems." Jay whispered, his voice low and raw.

Something flickered in his eyes and the feel of his arms around her overwhelmed her.

She hadn't stopped thinking about Jay and their night yet. She had just been too focused on the work. But now, with his kind eyes studying her face, she realized she could easily spend hours leaning against him - like the night before.

"When you told me you were going to call me back, I didn't think so soon."

Jay laughed shaking his head.

"When I discovered they wanted to close the case quickly, I thought that the only person capable of helping us was the same one who understood that I had a headache just seeing me close my eyes for a second."

Hailey smiled as she buried her face behind the cup she was holding. She wasn't yet used to a person who relied so heavily on her.

"Not that I was sorry, anyway." She mumbled after a few seconds.

"I'm glad to hear that." His hand slid down her arm until their fingers intertwined.

And again, the contact with his skin was new and incredible. Jay was discreet and kind, two qualities she really didn't know how to handle. He attracted her and scared her so much that it made her head spinning.

She looked down at their intertwined fingers as a light flared in her brain.

"Oh my god, I need to see Gabriella's photos." She jerked away from him as her head raced miles per second.

She quickly went back to the bullpen and then scattered the photos of the body and the crime scene on his desk.

"What are you thinking?"

Hailey brushed him off while continuing to rummage through the file, "What about the autopsy result? Even just the preliminary one."

"Yes, the preliminary has arrived." Kim handed her the paper and she read quickly.

"Okay, can you ask to take a specific exam?"

"Yeah, sure." Jay picked up the phone, "Which one?"

"I need to know if she was pregnant."

"What?" Kim and Jay gaped at her as she no longer paid attention. Her head was almost spinning from the speed her thoughts had. She didn't know how she had managed to not understand it right away.

"The flower." She pointed to the little rose resting against Gabriella's stomach, "This flower. Ask the coroner if she was pregnant."

She continued to study her photos throughout his call and when he finally closed it, she started talking again. The documents were also scattered on Kim's desk and she moved between them trying to sort out her thoughts.

"He'll get us the results in half an hour."

"Yeah, good." Her fingers slid across the photos tracing the outlines of Gabrielle's body. And now everything was clearer to her.

"She wasn't killed in that spot, was she?"

"No. The traces of blood start from the park entrance. It was late and probably no one was passing by at that moment. But there is no surveillance camera at that point." Jay leaned against the desk.

Hailey nodded absently, "It wasn't Trevor."

"Okay…" Kim joined her.

"But it was someone who loved her."

She could almost feel their brains working feverishly to understand what she was saying. Then she pointed to some elements in different photos.

"She was put there. You see, lying on her back, her hair not ruffled."

"If her body had been casually thrown, she could never have been so perfect."

"That's right, she's perfect." She nodded to Jay, "This is typical behavior of someone who loves the victim. He wants to leave composure, beauty. As if to apologize for the gesture he made."

Hailey lost herself in the images, "Her face is turned to the sky, her arms stretched out to her sides."

"She looks almost asleep." Kim walked over to her and Hailey could almost hear the moment she understood her reasoning.

"So you think the flower on her stomach is a way of respecting her pregnancy?"

"Yeah, I don't know, I'm pretty sure of it. A way to pay tribute to that broken life."

"So she was killed by someone who loved her." Jay sat down with his head tilted back.

It was almost lunchtime, but he was dressed the same as the night before and it was pretty obvious he hadn't come home yet.

"So, it looks like Trevor actually passed a couple of times on the street where Gabriella lived." Kevin came in strides, followed by Adam, "The last time was three days ago."

"Do you have any news?" Adam asked.

"Oh, I don't even know where to start." Kim ran her hands over her eyes before pointing to the whiteboard.

"No okay, wait a minute." Jay got up slowly and took a sip of coffee, "Let's go back to Trevor. If he's really seen Gabriella lately, maybe she'd said something to him."

"Something we think he's hiding?"

Kim caught up with Jay, "No, something he doesn't think it's important. Hailey, just explain to them the same thing you said to us, thank you."

Left alone, she repeated the whole theory and, as she spoke, she realized how right she was. It had been so obvious from the first moment, but she didn't understand it. But now, the idea Gabriella had been killed in a fit of rage was so logical that it seemed absurd.

Another hour had passed and she was left alone in the main room. She had sat at Jay's desk all the time not finding anything else to do.

When the results of the coroner's tests had arrived half an hour earlier, she had almost rejoiced knowing that Gabriella was pregnant. Six weeks pregnant and they had no idea who the father was. Not Trevor, because apparently it was over between them nearly a month before the conception. And that left them with nothing done in hand.

She ran her hands over her face slowly as a silent presence behind her made her jump in her chair.

Hailey nodded in his direction, remaining focused on the documents, "Sergeant Voight."

"Did you find anything else?"

"No, not for now."

They were silent, but she could clearly feel his eyes piercing the back of her neck.

"That pregnancy thing. It was…impressive. "

The pause in his sentence made her smile behind the cascade of hair. If that was his way of admitting that she'd done a good job, she wouldn't complain.

"Thanks."

He walked over to her staring at her with his arms crossed across his chest. His gaze was serious and haughty and she had to lift her head from the documents at the strength of it. She knew what he was trying to do and, grudgingly, she had to admit that he was pretty good at making people tremble. Except that she could read through his game.

"Okay, Sergeant." Hailey breathed slowly deciding to play his game, "Is there something wrong with me?"

He stared at her again in silence and never as in that moment did Hailey wish she could read his thoughts.

"I don't like having outsiders in Intelligence."

"Outsiders." She repeated slowly, as if to evaluate the very meaning of the word, "Do you know it was you who asked for my help?"

They stared at each other in silence until a smile slipped onto his lips - a wry smile.

And Hailey couldn't help herself.

"Okay, this is my job and I know I'm good at this. But I can still leave at any time, I have no problems."

Voight nodded slowly before turning and walking back to his office, "Let's close the case."

"I respect your work, you respect mine." She said concisely, before returning to focus on the documents.

"All right. What do we know about other men in Gabriella's life?"

Kim brought her back to her reality by giving her a quick nod of the head. Something in the triumphant smile on her face told her that Trevor had told them something useful.

Hailey crept slowly into a corner, leaving Jay his desk. She slipped into the break room watching them work from the door. She hadn't had time to study them yet, as she had joked with Jay the night before. But now, she realized, she had time to do it and she wasn't going to miss this opportunity.

Kim was a constant source of energy. She was incredibly calm when she was sitting at her desk, but if she had something to do she couldn't really sit still. While Kevin, more relaxed than her, seemed to approach life with the same calm demeanor he had while he was thinking about a case. From what she had understood in those few hours, though, Adam was the most untidy and noisy of them.

But if she really had to risk an option, she knew what Jay had asked her to notice. And she couldn't wait to tell him that, as promised, she really noticed everything. The way Adam's eyes followed Kim in every movement, and how she always found a way, even unconsciously, to be around him.

"Hey."

Jay surprised her a few minutes later as she sat at the break room table. A hot cup of coffee in front of her nose and a blank stare.

"Trevor actually admitted seeing her up until a few days ago. She seemed weird to him, nervous. And she had rambled about a man several times. We don't know who, though."

Jay sat down next to her letting his forehead drop against the surface of the table. Hailey slowly stroked the back of his neck and he chuckled at the cold skin of her hand.

"Anything about other men in the family?"

Jay groaned, "A cousin. But he lives in Atlanta, so... "

"Hmm hmm…and?"

"Allison's boyfriend."

"Ah!" Hailey hopped in her chair and Jay opened one eye to her sudden movement, "You have to talk to him!"

"I imagined you would have said that." He laughed, "Kevin and Adam are going to get him."

Hailey hummed as she took another sip of coffee.

"Do you know, that hand on my neck?" Jay turned his head towards her with a slight smile, "Feel free to continue, if you want."

Hailey laughed before slipping her hand through his hair and he moaned again closing his eyes at her touch.

It was so normal that it didn't seem possible that everything was new between them. As if they had been doing it for years, being around each other all day, carving out little moments. All so normal and spontaneous. And again, she was so scared of all of this - of everything he was offering her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, thanks, thanks everyone :)
> 
> And okay, I know this is probably not the chapter you were expecting but I couldn't stop myself and just had so much fun writing this case - which, of course, will end in the next chapter ;)
> 
> Talk soon, H.


	5. Chapter 5

"So, James Scott. Can you confirm you have a relationship with Allison Cobb?"

Adam began sitting in front of the blond boy in the interrogation room.

Hailey pressed the file against her chest watching James's eyes dart between Adam and Kevin, before slowly nodding.

"I guess Allison is pretty upset. You know, after what happened to Gabriella…" Kevin continued.

"Well, she was definitely upset this morning." Adam added, spreading a photo of Allison on the table.

James looked at it for a few seconds before looking up at them.

"Why am I here?" His voice was flat, but he trembled saying the last word.

Adam thumbed through the papers in front of him.

"You see, there is something wrong with Gabriella's life. We know that before she died she was a little weird."

Hailey couldn't take her eyes off the boy in front of them. James thought he was invincible, that his family could save him in any situation. But then, he ended up realizing that in that the moment he was alone, in a police district, for a murder case.

"Yeah, Allison told me she was acting weird, she thought it was for breaking up with that guy..."

"Trevor?"

James scoffed at Kevin and spat out the last words, "Yeah, the junkie."

"The junkie..." Adam repeated slowly.

James nodded and slipped his hands into his pockets before continuing, "But I hardly ever saw Gabriella. So I don't understand what you want from me."

"I've always hated guys like him." Kim muttered beside Hailey making her giggle.

Voight snorted crossing his arms over his chest, "He's making me tired. We're getting nothing from him."

"I don't know." Hailey reasoned out loud, "I can't go in, right?"

Voight studied her in silence and by now she was really used to that inquiring look, but she had to refrain from rolling her eyes.

"Do you want to go in?"

She shrugged indifferently, her gaze sliding to the guy beyond the glass, "Why not."

"Why not." The Sergeant repeated, "Okay. Let's play your game then."

"Maybe with Kim?"

She knew she was testing his nerves, but she also knew it would be the best technique to get what Voight wanted: the murderer.

At a nod from Voight, Hailey followed the other woman to the door of the interrogation room.

"Come on, I have your back." Kim hit her shoulder with hers and she nodded, clutching the papers in her arms.

They took over from Adam and Kevin and she smiled at James.

"Hi James, I'm Detective Burgess and this is Hailey."

"I really don't know why you're keeping me here. What do you want from me?" He shook his head impatiently, as his hands continued to clench in fists under the table.

Hailey opened the file, "Just…talk a little."

"I don't know who killed Gabriella, if that's what you want to know from me."

"I get it. But I'm here to talk about something else."

James stared at her silently, a hint of curiosity glinting in his eyes.

"You're 28, right?" At a nod from him, she continued, "Have you ever thought about having children? I mean, we've thought about it." She made a casual gesture between her and Kim before continuing, "But we're women. Maybe it's different for men? Do you want children?"

James paled slightly as he pushed his back deeper into the chair - like he wanted to put more distance between them.

"Children?" He repeated slowly.

Kim anticipated her and smiled gently at him, "Yes, children. I guess you talked to Allison about it."

"We…I don't know."

"Okay. And Gabriella, did she want children?"

James opened his mouth looking at her with wide eyes, before hiding his expression behind a veil of indifference.

"As I told to the other cops, I didn't talk to her often."

"Yeah, you said it, it's true." Hailey nodded, placing her hands on the table and leaning her back on the chair. She stood staring at James silently and when he frowned at her, she smiled gently at him.

"Gabriella was killed and her body was left in a park. As if she was worth nothing. But she was worth, she was worth a lot, right?"

"Yeah, I…" James sucked in air, "I guess so."

"But you didn't hang out with her much, you said that. Sorry." Hailey shrugged indifferently, "Okay, James. Honestly, I need you. There are some things we don't understand here."

He looked between the two of them confused, before nodding.

"Well, do you think it's possible that Trevor, in a fit of rage, killed her? I mean, she had broken up with him. Gabriella had hurt his feelings. We think it may have been him, but there really is something I don't understand."

"Yes…" James nodded wordlessly, "Yes, it could have been Trevor, yes."

"The junkie, right? That's what you called him with the other cops. "

"Yes, him." James nodded again, this time relaxing in his chair. And finally, Hailey was able to see through the facade of indifference that he had had until a moment ago.

"Well, I think it's possible." Kim broke into the conversation before spreading the photos of the crime scene and Gabriella's body in front of James, tapping here and there on various details.

"See, Gabriella was pregnant with Trevor."

James immediately denied with his head, "They hadn't hung out in months. She couldn't have been pregnant with him."

The fact that James wasn't surprised at the news of her pregnancy was so obvious that Hailey would gladly laugh.

Kim leaned against the table, "They kept hanging out. Gabriella confided in him."

James stared at her, silent. And Hailey took advantage of it.

"Help me here, James." She started pointing at the photos of Gabriella's body, "I'm convinced she was killed by someone who loved her, who respected her. But I'm just as sure it wasn't Trevor."

"But..." He started stammering looking at her, "You said it was Trevor..."

"I lied, I'm sorry." Hailey smiled slowly at him, "Because Trevor didn't kill Gabriella. And you know it well, don't you?"

James stared at her again, impassive. But then his gaze slid over the photos scattered across the table and, after what could have been a century, a single tear rolled down his cheek.

"I respected her."

She nodded calmly and slowly, prompting him to continue.

"I'm sure of it."

"But I just should have married Allison. This is what had to happen - what our families wanted."

"But you wanted Gabriella, didn't you?"

"I…we had been dating for a few months. And…I knew it was wrong but I didn't know how to go back."

"You were the father of her baby."

"Yes. And…" James angrily wiped another tear away, "Last night she started saying we should have told the truth, that she would have told Allison about the cheating. She didn't want to get rid of the baby. And I was afraid."

Hailey leaned back in her chair releasing a breath she didn't know she had been holding. Kim leaned on the table taking the lead of the interrogation and she finally let herself go adrift.

A girl had died and no arrest would ever do her justice. And this was simply a fact.

...

"Hey Upton."

Hailey paused at her name being called, only to see Voight standing in the middle of the bullpen. She stood staring at him in that strange game they had been playing all day, until he nodded at her.

"Good job."

"Thank you, Sergeant. It was a pleasure to work with you."

He looked at her skeptically and she continued with a light laugh, "I'm serious."

She waved a hand in his direction before turning her back and walking down the stairs. She was almost at the gate when Jay reached her by jumping the last two steps.

"I'll walk you out, let's go." He opened the gate letting her pass first and they slipped among the agents crowding the entrance.

"So...it's been an interesting day." He began by pulling the collar of his jacket around his neck.

"Definitely, yeah. But I enjoyed it."

He smiled and they were silent until her car.

"I have to finish some things here in the district, but I thought tonight..."

"Yes, absolutely!" She nodded, glad she didn't have to be alone with her thoughts, "Can you just come to my place? We can order a pizza."

"I was waiting for you to ask. I don't think I have the strength to go out to dinner."

Hailey looked up at the white sky that promised snow. Jay was standing in front of her and it seemed absurd to have spent all day around him. It had been thrilling and scary at the same time. Everything he did, the things he dealt with on a daily basis were awful and he was still a good man. He hadn't been swayed by the poisoned world that surrounded him every day.

"I'll wait for you for dinner then."

"Should I bring beer?"

"There is no need." She answered getting into the car.

And, like the night before, Jay waited to see her leave before turning back.

Hailey dragged herself home and straight into the shower. She felt that the day had been endless and all she wanted was a sweatshirt and a pair of warm socks.

The hot shower spray managed to loosen her back muscles and, for the first time in hours, she realized what had really happened. It wasn't the first time she'd been a consultant for the police, and it wasn't the first time she had been on a murder case. But there was just something, in the elegant pose of Gabriella's body, in her youth and in James' stupid arrogance that hit her hard.

She knew that probably, if she had been alone all night, she would have done nothing but repeat in her mind the events of that day, Trevor's dull pain and James' disbelief for what he had done.

She just hoped that, with the company of Jay, all those thoughts would be less noisy.

...

"Hey. Come in."

Hailey greeted him with her hair still damp, a comfortable sweatshirt and a pair of pink socks that warmed her feet.

She had sat in front of her closet for half an hour thinking about what she should wear. But when her gaze fell on the sweatshirt, she really had no more doubts. She had preferred comfort to elegance and she strongly had hoped that Jay would not care.

Hailey led him into the kitchen finishing setting the table but then she realized that he had not followed her and she went back to look for him. He was standing in the middle of the living room looking around.

And she took a few steps closer.

"Hi Jay." She laughed at him when he finally focused on her.

"I like your place. It's so…you."

"Uhm, is that a compliment? Because I know it's messy and…"

Jay laughed shaking his head.

"It's perfect, Hailey."

And, for the first time in hours, her thoughts were silent.

They stood in the dim light of the living room and she didn't really think she could be so comfortable with him. It was the first time he had been there, but there was no embarrassment at all.

They were probably both too tired, that was what she continued to repeat to herself. But when Jay looked down at her, her memories of the night before crashed against her with force.

It seemed like a century ago that she'd almost kissed him, but in the dim light, with his eyes clear on her, she couldn't think of anything else.

She couldn't really think of anything other than his gaze and when she opened her mouth, she almost laughed at the absurdity of her words.

"The pizza will arrive in fifteen minutes, I think."

He tilted his head slightly, not looking away and remaining silent. A slight smile slid across his lips and she could almost imagine the mockery he was thinking.

But then he was still there, standing there looking at her.

She breathed through her teeth, "Fuck."

And before she could really understand what she was doing, her hands were behind his neck and her lips were on his.

As she had imagined several times, his kiss was soft and firm at the same time - so much like he was.

Hailey leaned against him as her hands pushed his head towards hers.

Jay slid his arms behind her back holding her against his body and moaned into her lips as her fingers ran through the short hair at the nape of his neck.

The sound slipped into her like a balm and the pounding thoughts of that day vanished into her fog brain.

Jay pushed her and when her back hit the wall, she leaned even more against him. It was right, it was…it was just what it was meant to be.

"You were pretty hot today." He mumbled as he crawled down her neck.

When Hailey felt his teeth on her collarbone, she could swear she couldn't think anymore.

She pulled his hair until she smashed her lips back into his and when Jay laced his hand into her hair, she whimpered into his mouth.

Jay was everywhere around her and she couldn't even think clearly anymore.

She didn't know exactly how long they went on like this, not until the ringing of the bell startled them both.

Jay moaned against her neck and she narrowed her eyes trying to regain her calm.

"I no longer feel like pizza. Leave it, he'll go away."

"Jay, come on." She thrust her hands against his chest laughing, "Jay. It's pizza."

He groaned again before taking a few steps away from her.

He ran his hands through his hair looking at her and she ran away, toward her door, away from him - away from his solid trust slipping inside her with every glance of him. And far from the effect he had on her.

Hailey wasn't used to losing control. She had learned many years ago that the only way to deal with her life was to keep her mind in check. Nothing that could surprise her, nothing that could disappoint her.

But Jay was amazing, even in the smallest things. He was simple and kind, he was someone to rely on. Damn, it was so easy to rely on him. He had this aura of solid calm that surrounded him and that had attracted her from the first moment.

And despite the darkness that lived inside him and that they had talked about sometimes - the same darkness that made him think he was worth so little in life - he was without doubt one of the best men she had ever known. And she had only known him for a few weeks.

With these thoughts swirling in her mind, she joined him in the kitchen and she was amazed at the ease with which he adapted to her place.

She glanced at the living room and suddenly the idea of sitting at the table seemed so uncomfortable that she changed her mind.

"I have an idea, come with me."

She invited him to take everything was on the table and he agreed without questions but glancing amused at her.

It was only when she placed the pizzas on the coffee table in the middle of the living room and threw some pillows on the floor that he seemed to understand her intentions.

"Are we gonna eat sitting on the ground?"

"I love to eat sitting on the ground." She smiled at him shrugging.

Jay laughed shaking his head and sat on the ground next to her, "You're crazy."

"Eh." She took a bite of her pizza, "You're the one who's dating me."

Jay smiled slowly as he placed his hand on her knee and gave it a light squeeze, "Pretty true, yeah."

They ate in silence for a few seconds, his hand still resting on her knee was warm and pleasant and she would certainly not complain.

"So..." He began breaking the silence, "You kissed me."

Jay dropped it with feigned indifference and Hailey hid her smile behind her hair before lifting her face to look at him.

"I did."

He nodded and squeezed her knee again, "And it was amazing."

And when he reached for her, Hailey was finally no longer afraid to close her eyes.

His lips were still soft against hers and it was so easy to sigh against him and clasp her hands behind his neck as if she had done it all her life.

Jay kissed her slowly - as if he could do it for a lifetime. And, maybe for the first time in a long time, Hailey hoped he really had this chance - to kiss her like this forever. Just taking their time, getting to know each other.

He pulled away by tracing her lower lip with his fingertip, while her eyes were still closed. For so long she had been afraid to close her eyes and surrender to someone else, but finally now that fear was gone.

She sighed shakily before opening her eyes again and looking down at his hand, now returned to his place on her knee.

"Yeah, it was amazing." She murmured still overwhelmed.

And his hoarse laugh slid into her like a balm. Jay smiled at her returning to focus on his pizza as she continued to stare at him for a few seconds.

It was a comfortable and relaxed silence, as if they had done it forever - as if they could do it forever.

Jay cleared his throat as he took a sip of beer, "So you've met my unit."

"Is Voight always so…disdainful?"

Jay shook his head in amusement, "Eh, definitely a way of describing him."

"I don't like him, but whatever. It's just your problem." Hailey touched his beer with hers and shrugged.

"He may be a little…hard, to deal with."

"Rude. And overbearing." She added.

Jay looked at her silently, tilting his head. She could read in his expression he wanted to ask for more, but he surprised her by grabbing another slice of pizza and dropping her speech.

"So tell me, how long have Kim and Adam been sleeping together?"

She dropped it there randomly as they were cleaning the kitchen and clearly heard Jay freeze behind her.

"What?"

"Kim and Adam." She repeated slowly.

Jay was looking at her in shock.

"Do they still sleep together? But how…?"

"I'm kidding!" She laughed out loud hitting his chest, "They were together though, weren't they? There was a lot of sexual tension in there today."

"Yes, they dated, yes. God, that was what I wanted you to notice. You are…"

Jay shook his head still in wonder and Hailey laughed as he walked into the living room.

"Yeah, you can start with the list of compliments."

Jay joined her after a few seconds and sat down on the couch next to her. His head bent back and his eyes closed. Hailey turned on the TV then folded her legs against her body.

It wasn't really how she thought the evening would go, but she would never complain about the simplicity she could fall into in the most everyday things with Jay.

"I'm honestly beat. I don't know how much company I can be tonight."

"Not a problem." Hailey hit his thigh with her foot causing him to open his eyes, "How long have you been awake?"

"Two days, I think."

"Poor boy." She said reaching out until her hand slipped behind his neck.

"No, Hailey." He pulled away from her shaking his head, "If you do that, I'll fall asleep."

She laughed at the absurdity of his words.

"Sleep then."

Jay poked his lower lip in a silly childish grimace, "I was just thinking about kissing you again."

Hailey smiled as she knelt on the couch before moving towards him, then letting her lips slide over his slowly. She felt his smile in their kiss and her heart fluttered a little faster.

"I like this plan." She whispered after a few seconds as her hand stroked the side of his neck.

He hummed with his eyes closed as he moved towards her.

One hand slipped behind her back while the other was still on her side.

Hailey pulled away from him tracing the line of weariness under his eyes, before letting her hand run behind his neck and through his hair.

Jay groaned with his eyes closed, reaching out imperceptibly to her touch.

"Get some sleep, okay?"

"I don't want to sleep, no." He shook his head opening one eye.

"Jay." She stroked the back of his neck, "Let it go. This is a good night to rest."

They were silent for a few seconds with the noises of the TV in the background.

"I'm not really a lover of physical contact." He whispered to her when she thought he was already asleep.

Hailey chuckled, "I see it."

"But this is good. So yeah, feel free to continue."

She saw him smile with his eyes closed and she couldn't help but think that with him, even in silence, her thoughts were calmer. They no longer overwhelmed her, no longer suffocated her - she could breathe more calmly simply by hearing him breathing slowly beside her.

And maybe it was already too late to be frightened by the feeling of trust he instilled in her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, the case is over and, woah, I enjoyed writing it!
> 
> I'll be quick and thank each of you - You're so great and I'm so glad you're enjoying the story - it's amazing.
> 
> Talk soon, H.


	6. Chapter 6

"Jay? You with me?"

Hailey waved a hand in front of his face trying to get his attention.

Jay blinked a couple of times before slowly nodding and she was amazed that he had finally recognized her presence.

They had met for a quick breakfast before they went to work, but she had only needed to see him for less than a second to understand he was not well, not even close. But Jay, being just Jay, wouldn't admit he was feeling bad.

He shook his head, "Sorry, I zoned out for a sec."

"Hey." Hailey reached across the table touching his hand, "Talk to me."

But at her touch, he tensed as he moved nervously in his chair.

"I'm fine."

"Jay..."

"Just let it go, okay? I'm fine."

He brushed her off indifferently before taking a sip of coffee and smiling at her as if nothing had happened.

But the obvious dark circles around his eyes and the way he hadn't really met her eyes yet was something she couldn't really stop focusing on.

They were silent for a few minutes, until Jay sighed deeply in front of her.

"It's just a case...you know, it's a war vet."

He shrugged indifferently, meeting her eyes for only a few seconds.

Hailey tilted her head as she leaned over the table a little, but before she could talk, he silently shrugged.

"So what are you doing today?"

Jay smiled at her again as he stole a piece of her bagel and her heart fluttered a little in her chest. They ended up in a light conversation interrupter with long silences. She knew he just wanted to distract her to avoid talking about how he was feeling again and she silently played his game. But his gaze was always so far away from her - like he wasn't even there, like his mind was a thousand miles away - and she really had no idea how she could help him.

Hailey got stuck under his arm as they walked towards the precinct. They had met at a diner not too far from there so that Jay was already close by.

"Hey."

She pinched his side trying to get his attention because, again, it looked like he wasn't even there with her.

He tightened his grip lightly on her shoulders.

"Hey to you."

Hailey glanced at him and felt a weight sink into her stomach.

She had never seen him so lost and her instincts just told her that something from his past - something he didn't want to face - was consuming him so deeply that he almost slipped away from reality.

"Jay. Please."

She barred his way by spreading her arms and she knew she looked almost desperate but she couldn't shake that unpleasant and cursed feeling.

"What?"

This time he sighed louder than she would have thought and Hailey held her breath for a second.

"Talk to me. If something has happened, just...talk to me. "

"Hailey, it's just a case, okay? A case!" Jay ran his hands through his hair and sighed loudly again.

"Okay, it's just..." She searched for the right words, "I don't like it if you're like this, I'd like to help you…"

He cut her off with a wave of his arm and turned to face her. His face had suddenly become inexpressive and she couldn't find in his eyes even a trace of the man she knew.

"Don't analyze me, clear? Don't do it, never do it."

His voice was cold and Hailey took a step back. It was too easy for her to remember her last relationship, to remember how it ended. He couldn't know it, but she did. She knew very well what mistakes she had made the previous time.

And the weight in her stomach went up along her body, squeezing her throat in a deadly grip and it was suddenly so hard to breathe.

She shook her head a couple of times, "That's not what I meant to do. But if you need someone to talk to and you don't want it to be me..."

"Don't...don't do it!" Jay took a step back, "I don't need to go to therapy."

"I'm not saying that, I..."

"You don't know anything about me, okay? I don't need a babysitter. I'm fine."

He looked at her one last time before turning his back to her and leaving. Hailey saw him cross the street, up the few steps in the district and disappear behind the door.

And not once had his gaze turned to look for her.

Hailey stared at the district doors, standing in the middle of the sidewalk, for what could be an eternity and only the sound of her phone in her jeans pocket suddenly dragged her out of her nightmare.

She declined the call from Meghan, who probably just wanted to ask about her being late, and she went back to her car. The journey to her office was confused and lost in a haze of indifference. She didn't even remember the street she had traveled, nor where she had parked.

She only knew she had blinked and was sit behind her desk.

The light spring sun illuminated the study and she was just waiting for the first appointment of the day, it seemed to her that time did not flow, that life unfolded only outside the window - while hers was still, frozen on that morning, on his eyes and his words.

"Hey! I just made some coffee!"

Meghan made her way into her office leaving a full cup on the desk.

Hailey recognized her presence after a few seconds and smiled tightly at her, bringing the cup to her lips.

"What happened?" Meg hovered in front of her before sitting stiffly in the chair.

"Nothing, I..." Hailey shook her head, "I don't know."

A bitter laugh escaped her lips as all she thought about was Jay's defeated gaze.

"Hailey."

"Jay and I...we argued, I guess."

Meg moaned slightly collapsing in the chair, "What happened?"

She shrugged, "I don't really know. He was…weird, for the job. And I don't know."

"Hailey, don't tell me."

Meghan moaned again and she was so damn aware of her thoughts. They were the same ones she had.

She slowly nodded with the cup in front of her lips, "I know, Meg. I know."

"Okay, let's talk about it."

She shrugged again, "There isn't much to say." Meghan waited silently but she really wasn't going to tell her about Jay — he was…her private life, and she wanted him to stay that way.

"Anyway, my first appointment's coming, sorry."

She pointed to the office door with a gentle nod of her head, before returning her attention to the computer.

The conversation was over and she didn't want to talk about it anymore.

She would work things out with Jay, she just had to figure out how.

...

It had been three days since she last heard from him. After the first two days spent in an almost passive aggressive rage because, honestly, disappearing like this was rude and irresponsible even for him - or at least that was what she kept repeating trying to convince herself to give him some space - the third day had been characterized by a stomach bite of concern that seemed not to want to leave her even while she was at work.

She had spent all day with the constant thought that yeah, he surely had gone too far and didn't deserve her being worried, but at the same time she couldn't stop thinking about his haunted eyes.

She looked down at her phone, the first and only message she had sent him was a few hours earlier and had gone unanswered.

' _Just tell me you're okay._ '

She was hoping for some news from him, just to let her know that he was still alive, that nothing had happened, that...

"Hey, can I finish these noodles?"

Meghan waved the package of noodles in front of her and she blinked a few times into focus.

Liz and Meghan had gone to her place for dinner and ordered so much Chinese that the leftovers would probably last a few days.

While Meg fumbled with the container, Liz sat at the foot of the couch staring at her with a glass of wine in her hands.

They hadn't talked about Jay yet, but Hailey knew they were just waiting for her to say something. But what was she supposed to say? What could she have said to alleviate the panic that crept up her spine?

Hailey tossed her phone between the sofa cushions before stretching out on the carpet.

"Okay, I need to talk about something stupid. This week has been endless." Meg rolled her eyes dramatically and Hailey laughed.

"Well, if you want something stupid, I can tell you who called me yesterday." Liz sighed, "Thomas."

Meg straightened up spreading her arms, "The jerk!"

"Right him." She nodded.

"What did he want?" Hailey asked her, interrupting Meghan's invective.

"Eh." She shrugged indifferently, "To ask me how I was. And to apologize."

"After two months?" Meg yelled slamming her fist on the coffee table, "He cheated on you, he left and after two months he called you back? It's incredible."

"He'll have broken up with the other woman." Hailey added nodding.

"Well, he's a jerk. And that's what I told him before I ended the call."

They ended up laughing for the rest of the evening until Hailey walked them to the door. Liz was pretty tipsy and she was leaning against her backyard wall while Meghan was giving in to the fact that she would have to drag her to the car.

She greeted them and waited on the porch until she saw the lights of Meghan's car disappear down the street. She was turning to go back in when she finally saw him.

She recognized the shadow leaning against a car not far from them. She didn't need to look twice.

She just approached him slowly, the panic that coursed through her veins until moments before had now turned into a strange feeling of discomfort boiling into the stomach.

She was a few feet away from him when she froze in her footsteps. His face was stained with blood and he had placed all of his weight against his truck.

"Jay."

She reached for him, but she saw him stiffen and she stopped before touching him.

Jay looked up at her, and his tired, haunted eyes - so different from what she knew - looked at her as if he were looking for a calm in her that he no longer had.

They stared at each other in silence for a few seconds, then he sighed slowly.

"I'm sorry, Hailey. I...I just wanted to see you. But if I bothered you..."

Hailey cut him off and leaned over to him.

"Jay, you don't bother me. What the hell happened to you?"

She stroked the cut on his cheekbone with her fingertips just waiting for him to say something but Jay gave no sign of wanting to talk and, again, she found herself thanking whatever made him go to her that night.

"Come with me."

She touched his hand as she took a step back, glad he was following her. She gently pushed him into her home and closed the door behind her before noticing Jay slowly sit down on her sofa and hold his head in his hands.

"Hey."

She lightly touched his shoulder before sitting down on the carpet in front of him. She hated not knowing how to deal with him and she hated even more to see his hurt face. He didn't seem to care but she did, she could see his bruises and cuts.

"I'm sorry. For the other morning, for... "

He shook his head still tight in his hands and then finally met her eyes.

Hailey squeezed his knee, "We'll have to talk about it, Jay. We'll talk about it, but not now, okay? Now I just want to know how you are."

"No, I…" He breathed shakily and finally squeezed her hand still resting on his knee, "I've risked losing control too many times these days. You were right, Hailey, I'm not fine."

He held back a sob by shaking his head, "I'll go to therapy. I…"

Hailey got on her knees between his legs reaching out to him, her arms tied around his torso and she tucked her face into his neck. Despite the blood and dust, his skin still smelled of him and she took a deep breath as the panic began to slip from her body.

"I'm so wrong, Hailey, and I don't know if I'll ever be able..."

"No! I've already said it. There is nothing wrong with you, nothing! You just need to talk to someone, you have to believe me."

She knew she sounded almost desperate, but she couldn't bear to hear him so, so lost.

Jay pulled away from her and took her face in his hands, the tip of his fingers caressing her face as he thought about what to say to her.

"You and I are…whatever we are, it makes me feel good. You, you make me feel good. But…"

Jay closed his eyes, breathing softly, and Hailey braced herself for the impact his words would have. She should have seen it coming, the end of this relationship - she should have waited for it. But the reality was that she was unprepared to break up with him.

"But it's all on you, here." Jay stroked her cheek slowly, "The choice is yours, Hailey."

They looked at each other for a few seconds, in silence. And finally, after days, her thoughts seemed to slow down, to stop.

Her hand slipped behind his neck to the spot she knew well by now, and Jay murmured a light sigh.

"I'll be here while the storm passes, Jay."

Something flickered quickly in his eyes, but unlike so many other times, Jay didn't hide it - it was fear, and disbelief.

"You have no idea... What if I'll scare you?"

"Jay."

Hailey tilted her head to one side looking at his green eyes in the dim light of her living room, "There's nothing about you that could scare me."

"You don't know that."

"And neither do you. I'm not going anywhere."

Hailey ran her fingers through the hair on the back of his neck and he smiled slowly, still amazed, nodding, as his breath brushed her face.

Hailey closed her eyes brushing her lips with his and immediately recognizing his taste. It was just Jay - despite everything, it was still Jay.

Jay was coming back to her and this time Hailey would do everything in her power to keep him from slipping away.

His heart was beating hard and rhythmic under her hand on his chest as his lips moved against her. Jay twisted a hand into her loose hair, as he always did, nudging her lightly towards him.

It was amazing how right his arms were wrapped around her, how soft his hands were against her - his skin like a touch she'd been waiting for all her life.

"Hey." Hailey pulled away from him touching the cut on his cheekbone, "Let's go see these cuts?"

"It's nothing. Just a violent arrest."

"Just let me check them, okay?"

She dragged him to his feet pulling him to the bathroom, their fingers intertwined and tight - as if to remember that he had come back to her, that he was looking for help.

She pushed him to sit on the edge of the tub as she searched for the med kit in the bathroom cabinet.

"I was fine sitting on the couch, though."

"I guess." Hailey chuckled and saw his tired smile shine in the mirror.

And, again, she promised herself that she would take care of him. He was a good man with a good heart - and that was probably his biggest problem - and, in his own way, he was choosing her.

"Head up." She patted him on the shoulder before dropping a few drops of hydrogen peroxide on the cut on his cheekbone. And immediately, he narrowed his eyes and released a groan.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry." She said dabbing the cut with cotton, "No stitches needed. Not even on the cheek, I'd say."

She disinfected the cut on his cheek, holding back a laugh at his expression. He looked like an unhappy child, with narrow eyes and clenched fist against his jeans.

A bruise was already forming on the side of his temple and she let her fingers run over the purplish edge.

Coming home injured was normal for him, but not for her. She probably would never get used to seeing him come back like this. But when his hand draped down her hip until his fingers intertwined in the waistband of her jeans, she came back to watch him.

His eyes were still haunted, but there was something that made them a more limpid green, a calm she hadn't seen in days.

"It's been a lousy three days, you know." He started shakily speaking, "But I didn't understand how much I was getting lost until..."

Jay shrugged and Hailey, still standing in front of him, slipped her hands behind his neck.

"He was a war vet and I thought I could save him because…"

"You saw yourself in him."

He sighed slowly as he rested his forehead against her stomach. Hailey absently ran her hands through his hair, taking a step closer to him.

"His mission was a suicide one, Hailey. And I realized it too late."

"Hey, no." Hailey lifted his head, "Don't do this to yourself. You are not him, you are not him."

She cupped his face with her hands preventing him from moving away and bent her head to kiss him - slowly and relaxed.

She pulled away from him as his hand ran over her skin over the waistband of her jeans and she knew that if she got lost in that feeling she would never be able to stop.

"I have a lot of great Chinese food leftovers waiting for you, do you want some?"

Jay grunted as he leaned his forehead against her stomach again, before standing up and putting his arms around her.

She felt so small compared to him, but letting her arms slide around his torso and burying her face against his chest was something that became so natural to her.

His heart was pounding under her ear and she tightened her grip a little tighter around him.

"Let's go eat these leftovers."

He walked past her and smiled over his shoulder and her heart skipped a beat, like every time.

Jay had returned to her, he was entrusting himself to her, so that she could know, understand and love the darkness that lived within him - maybe it was the only way he knew to save himself.

Jay had gone back to her and Hailey promised herself that she would do whatever she could to keep him from disappearing again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be super quick! As always, thank you all - you are so precious and I don't really know what to say.  
> And as always, I can't wait to know what you think about all of it.  
> Talk soon, H.


	7. Chapter 7

"Halstead."

Jay's sleepy voice pierced the haze of her sleep and Hailey moved slowly, tucking her arms under the pillow.

"Yeah. Yeah, Kev. Half an hour, yes. Send me the address." He muttered moving behind her.

Hailey rolled over to meet Jay on the other side of the bed and ran an arm over his stomach.

"Sorry, I woke you up."

"You're not getting up, are you?" Hailey sighed softly as she tucked her head into the crease of his neck and left a quick kiss.

"I have to."

Hailey moaned again, sinking a little deeper into him as he wrapped his arms around her back. Her weight was all over him now, but Jay doesn't seem to recognize it as he stroked her naked back silently.

Hailey sighed again with her eyes closed and her lips pressed against his throat.

"It's not right."

Jay chuckled beneath her causing her to move at the movement of his chest, before letting a quick kiss in her hair and untangling their legs.

Hailey whimpered again, the absence of his warm skin against her made her eyes narrow in indignation and she stretched out trying to grab at least one of his arms. But her fingers only tightened the air and she moaned in defeat.

Jay's hoarse laugh coming from the other side of the room made her snort and sink into his pillow.

"C'mon, don't go. It's Sunday, you don't have to go."

"I have to go, Hailey. Someone once told me that crime never stops."

"Someone stupid." She blurted out, making Jay laugh.

She saw his shadow against the bedroom door as he was pulling on his jeans and she sighed in defeat knowing that he was really leaving.

"I'm still naked in your bed."

"I know and you're making it incredibly difficult for me to get out of here."

The mattress slowly lowered and she felt his hand in her hair, while the other one slowly ran along the line of her spine.

Hailey hummed lazily for a few seconds, "You have to suffer getting out of here, it's right."

"This is just cruel." Jay chuckled as he kissed her bare shoulder before moving towards her neck. Hailey rolled over onto her back and pulled him by his shoulders until he rolled over her and giggled.

"Uh, Hailey." Jay warned her.

"You have to go. But…"

"You are naked in my bed, I know."

Jay sighed dramatically as he slipped over her. Hailey lazily entwined her arms around his neck closing her eyes again.

His lips slid down her neck to her collarbone, several times, and she shivered happily under his breath. Jay had to have had a weakness for her collarbone, it was probably one of his favorite spots, judging by the attention he had paid it too many times already.

"Okay, you have to go. But I'll continue to be naked in your bed."

Hailey reluctantly pushed him away - immediately missing his skin - and rolled into his sheets.

"I hate you."

She smiled with her eyes closed, "Not true."

"No, it's not true. I'll call you later, now just sleep."

Jay gave her a quick kiss before leaving the bedroom and Hailey slipped into sleep within seconds.

...

The second time she opened her eyes, a thunder made her jump violently and it took her a few seconds to figure out where she was.

Memories of the previous night overwhelmed her and she realized she hadn't really paid attention to his bedroom - to the whole apartment, if she had to be honest.

She stretched lazily before getting up and putting on her underwear and the first shirt she could find on the floor.

The apartment was quiet and incredibly tidy.

She went into the bathroom washing her face quickly before continuing the exploration of his apartment.

The short corridor opened onto a large, colorful living room and she had vague memories of the previous night. She remembered that the blanket that was now neatly folded over the arm of the sofa had ended up on the floor and the two blue cushions, now stacked on the other side of the sofa, had been randomly thrown behind their backs.

Unlike her place, in Jay's, nothing seemed out of place, all simple and reduced to the essentials.

Hailey slipped into the kitchen noticing a post-it in the center of the table and she laughed amused as she recognized his hurried handwriting. Even in the rush, he could be tidy, she noticed annoyed.

That Jay liked being tidy and that this was also reflected in his handwriting was clear to her the first second she sat down at his desk when she went to Intelligence.

' _There is a key in the Scottish mug, feel free to leave. But if you want to stay in my bed, I won't mind. J._ '

Hailey laughed again shaking her head and going to find the famous Scottish mug.

Jay had to have some passion for mugs, she noted amused as she opened the window cabinet next to the fridge. This contained at least ten different mugs - from colorful checkered ones to typical souvenir shop ones. New York, Seattle and Los Angeles, 'The best brother in the world', 'My brother is a cop'. And Hailey had no doubts who gave him the last two. He reached up to be on tiptoe to find the Scottish mug, the last one at the bottom of the cabinet, and pulled out a key, as he had promised.

She turned it over in her hands for a few seconds as the options of what to do that day ran through her mind.

She was supposed to work, study some documents she had on her laptop. But it was pouring and her laptop was in her bag in his living room. The idea of driving in the flood to get home didn't make her crazy, so she could just curl up on his couch and work until his return.

She left the key on the same post-it on the table and quickly made a coffee. Before she could really realize the ease of everything she was doing, she was curled up on the couch with a sweatshirt and the blanket spread across her legs.

Her laptop was open over her lap and the idea of her being in Jay's home, without him, left her strangely calm - as if it wasn't such a strange thing.

The day passed slowly and it was only in the early afternoon that Hailey got up and stretched. Outside it continued to rain incessantly and from time to time lightning lit up the living room. She plugged in the laptop charger before looking for something edible in the fridge. She started warming a soup and, while she waited for it to be ready, she looked around the living room.

Despite the sparse furniture, the shelves of the wooden cabinet were littered with frames and Jay's entire life unfolded before her eyes in seconds.

With the soft light from the lamp on the cabinet, she could see Jay over the years, him with the rest of the Intelligence, with some friends, with Will, in the soldier's uniform and with those who, Hailey imagined, were his parents.

Her gaze slid over them and she couldn't help but see Jay's same good smile on her mom's face while his eyes were his dad's. Will was the proud owner of a mop of red hair and Jay was so full of freckles that he made her smile stupidly.

Hailey took the soup realizing they had never talked about their families, and she was secretly happy about it. She didn't want to open the box of worms about her past, it was something she wasn't ready for - maybe she would never be ready for. And delaying that moment, the moment when she should lie to Jay, just seemed the most reasonable thing. She didn't really want to lie to him, but she didn't even know how to face the truth she didn't want to tell.

She shook her head, letting those thoughts drift into a remote part of her brain as she quickly finished her soup and curled up on the couch again.

The rain seemed to have no intention of stopping and she was really unwilling to go back to her place. There it was warm, comfortable and quiet and so, so much Jay everywhere.

And she took in all those things to be able to focus better on her documents.

She looked up from the laptop only at the sound of the keys turning in the lock. She looked around quickly and for the first time nervous. She had been there all day, without him, and only then did she realize how pushy she could be in that situation.

She saw Jay hanging his coat behind the door and brushing his hair from the rain before looking up to see her.

He smiled slowly, crossing his arms across the chest. A flash of surprise flashed on his face and she was pleasantly surprised. Being able to take Jay by surprise was something that always amused her.

"You're still here."

"Do you mind?"

Hailey immediately retorted closing the laptop and placing it on the coffee table. His quiet expression silenced the nervousness that had vibrated inside her until a moment before.

"Not at all."

Jay slid his gun over her laptop before sitting down beside her. Reaching his arms above his head with a long yawn, she took the opportunity to curl up against him.

"How did it go today then? Have you fought crime?"

"Eh, someone has to do it."

Jay sighed dramatically as he brushed his wet hair again and made her wrinkle her nose in amusement.

"You look like a wet dog!"

"I'm sorry if it's raining outside!" He poked her shoulder in feigning offense, "We're not all lucky enough to be able to stay under the blanket all day."

"Yes, whatever."

Hailey gave him a quick kiss on the neck before moving deeper against his body. His badge, still clipped to his belt, dug into her side but she seemed to pay no attention to it.

As she moved, the blanket she still had on fell to the side showing one of her legs.

Jay let his gaze slide down her bare skin before returning to her eyes. He smiled slowly with an expression, again, pleasantly surprised.

"No pants?"

She shrugged before his arm crushed her against him, "I hate having pants on under the blanket."

"Gosh." He muttered under his breath as his hand moved down her side until it lightly gripped her bare thigh, "If I ever complain about coming home and finding you on my couch without pants, please take my gun and shoot me."

"I'll remember it."

Hailey hid her pounding heart behind a laughter because, really, she didn't think she would ever get used to his gaze.

Jay shifted her legs on his lap before reclining his head on the couch and releasing a long sigh. Hailey watched at him, eyes closed and breathing heavy.

It was still new to them - this contact, almost a real physical need to touch each other - but she found it truly amazing. Jay had always been unexpected, he had come when she expected nothing from her life and, in his own way, he had managed to make her think again about herself and what she wanted.

Jay let his hand wander along her thigh in a slow caress, "What did you do today? Did you dig into my drawers to discover all my secrets?"

"No, I worked a little." Hailey laughed out loud shaking her head.

"Well, I have no secrets."

"Everyone has secrets."

He snorted, moving her hair over her other shoulder, "Catastrophic."

Hailey sank slightly against him, thrusting her face into his neck. And, again, she felt this jolt of excitement realizing how comfortable she felt about being there - his living room, the storm outside, the dim light and Jay all around her. It was just something that felt perfectly right to be like this.

"Hey, I need a shower."

"One more minute." She hummed cheerfully as she squeezed her arm over his stomach and lifted her face towards him starting to slowly kiss his neck.

Jay laughed beneath her and his laugh vibrated against her pleasantly.

"Hailey. I stink."

"You don't stink. Just a minute."

"You're weird."

Hailey snorted a laugh against his neck and he chuckled again before shaking her off and letting her slide to the other side of the couch.

"The sooner I shower, the sooner I come back. Anyway, that's my sweatshirt."

Hailey shrugged indifferently, "Not anymore."

Jay was already in the bathroom when his head popped out the door, "What do you want for dinner?"

Hailey diverted attention to the blanket and began to fold it before slowly replying to him.

"Uhm, I should actually go home."

She knew she had to go home, she knew it well. But the idea of getting up and leaving just seemed crazy and she realized the truth was that she didn't want to leave. She just wanted to prolong that moment for as long as possible.

Jay had to have her same idea, because he emerged from the bathroom again and walked quickly over to her.

"No, stay. Stay, c'mon. Let's make up for this day!"

Hailey nodded thoughtfully before turning away from him, arranging the couch cushions, "I think I can agree with you, yeah."

Jay walked away humming and Hailey saw him close the bathroom door behind her.

Well, maybe she could get used to all of that after all.

...

"Hey, you didn't have to cook."

Jay surprised her by giving her a quick kiss on the back of her head before reaching over her shoulder to grab two glasses and place them on the table she was setting.

"I made my secret recipe. An incredibly difficult one."

"What is it?"

"Mac and Cheese, obviously."

Jay laughed out loud. His hair was still damp and without gel was incredibly curly and she couldn't help but immediately remember a photo of a young Jay with his family.

Hailey watched him for a few seconds as he was eating. He was tired and silent and she could see the signs of his tiredness all over on his face.

But he was even more serene. He had started going to therapy for a few weeks and although the first appointments left him angry and impatient, day after day Hailey began to see some positive signs in him. Not every encounter left him excited, but she knew how those things worked and she knew how not to push him. And he seemed to appreciate it.

But the first big improvement, Hailey only saw the first night they really spent together.

She had figured there was something about sleeping together that he was worried about and she was pretty sure it was something related to having nightmares.

' _What if I scare you?_ '

She still remembered so well the night when despair was sucking him in and she had spent all night sitting next to him in her bed.

Jay had refused to sleep. Despite being exhausted, he had done everything he could to never close his eyes. And when she had asked him why, he had repeated those words that still continue to break her heart.

' _I don't want to scare you, Hailey._ '

Now, however, when she fell asleep next to him and woke up during the night, she heard his slow and relaxed breath beside her and listened to it for minutes - to listen to him, to his serenity and just trying to imprint it in her memory.

She closed her eyes and when she blinked, she was back in his kitchen, she was still wearing his sweatshirt and he still had wet hair. And he was still calm and handsome in front of her - and not for the first time, Hailey realized the depth of her feelings for him.

"So…today I looked at the photos you have in the living room..."

He nodded and chewed.

"And I was wondering..."

"Oh no, dangerous."

Hailey snorted giving him a dirty look, before continuing, "I haven't seen any girl..."

He frowned, "Do you have photos with your ex?"

"No, clearly not."

"And what makes you think I might have them?"

She shrugged, concentrating on the plate in front of her, as he burst into a light laugh. "What is the real question here?"

"I was wondering, Detective, something about the women of your past. Something spicy."

Hailey kicked on her Detective's word by crossing her arms across the chest.

"Something spicy." He repeated reasoning, "Okay well, I've been married."

He dropped it into the silence of the kitchen and her fork fell into her plate making a thud.

Jay stared at her seriously for a second before laughing nervously, "In Las Vegas, like twelve years ago. A thing, you know, nothing serious, I guess. I wasn't in my best place, yeah."

Jay shrugged as Hailey continued to stare at him.

"Have you been married? Seriously?"

Her astonishment seemed to hit something in him and Jay stepped slightly away from the table and stiffened in his chair.

"Hey, you've been married. It happens." Hailey smiled as she reached out on the table waiting for him to recognize her gesture. Jay looked at her, evidently weighing her intentions, before sliding his hand toward hers and raising an eyebrow.

"It happens?"

She wrinkled her nose in a light laugh, "Whatever. And how did it end?"

"Ah, I thought we were divorced two days after the wedding. But she showed up here last year telling me it wasn't like that. It wasn't a good time." Jay laughed slightly shaking his head, "After that we got really divorced, though."

Hailey burst out laughing, "So you've been married for years without knowing it?"

"Yes, thanks for laughing at me." Jay slapped her hand and she paused to watch his carefree smile.

He was always so reserved about his past, so protected - like her, after all. And maybe that was the reason she could be so empathetic with him. They both had so many demons - too many demons - but every time he opened up a little to her, Hailey was enchanted.

"This was spicy, I admit."

He snorted another laugh and her heart skipped a few beats.

...

Hailey crossed her arms leaning against the counter as Jay finished drying the last two dishes. They had washed and dried everything in silence - a comfortable silence.

"You're staring." He snapped two fingers in front of her face awakening her from her thoughts.

"You're curly."

He shrugged indifferently, "Eh, so it seems."

Hailey put her hands on the counter behind her, "It's pretty cute."

"Uh, okay?"

Hailey laughed shaking her head before reaching out and running a hand through his hair, "I'm serious. And that photo, over there, as a kid you really had a lot of curls!"

He hit her with the rag and rolled his eyes before bending over her. When Hailey tied her arms around his neck, he lifted her to sit on the counter.

"Ah, I can finally see your eyes."

Jay mimicked their height difference and she hit his chest in feigning offense.

"You, smart ass."

He chuckled again and she closed her eyes at the feel of his hands sliding over her legs still bare.

She really didn't know if she would ever get used to the calm that surrounded him. She wasn't ready to talk about herself, but she knew that if she succeeded sooner or later, she would do it with him. There was just something in his eyes, something good, that she couldn't get used to - it was a calm that slipped inside her, silencing her thoughts.

"At least I'm not a red head like Will."

Hailey slipped her hands under his shirt and stroked the skin of his back, "I like guys with red hair."

"Okay, no. This is too much."

Jay sighed dramatically as he squeezed her thigh lightly and Hailey laughed crossing her legs behind his back and sliding against him.

She tied her arms behind his neck dragging him against her body until her lips smashed into his and hummed happily as she felt her hands go up her thighs to her back.

Hailey slipped her hands under his t-shirt again and then pulled it over his head and dropped it at their feet.

Her hands slowly moved up to his chest and she sighed at the feel of his warm skin - Jay always had warm skin. She remembered how, the first time they went out together, his hand was hot around her under the snow.

She slowly touched the scar on his throat and, as she had imagined, he tensed slightly at her movement. When she looked up at him and met his eyes, Jay had tilted his head to one side with the shadow of a smile on his lips.

"We'll talk about it. Just…not tonight, okay?"

His voice was low and vulnerable and she kissed him again, just to silence that voice in her head - the same voice that kept reminding her of the extent of her feelings for him.

Jay slowly melted around her while his hand got stuck in her hair and the other slipped back under his sweatshirt to lightly go up her spine.

Hailey sighed against his lips, savoring every second of that slow and calm kiss - as if they have all the time in the world.

"So..." She whispered with one hand stroking his hair, "In your post-it it was written that today I could stay in bed..."

Hailey smiled tilting her head and he seemed to grab her message immediately.

"Sounds like a good plan to me."

His hands slid under her ass and she hid a laugh against his neck as he lifted her and dragged her into the bedroom.

Just like they had all the time in the world.


	8. Chapter 8

Hailey saw her phone light up on the desk next to her and cleared her throat before answering Jay.

"Hey."

He was silent for a second, " _You okay?_ "

"What?"

" _Your voice is..._ "

"Eh, I guess I'm getting sick."

" _Oh, bad. Raincheck for tonight?_ "

Hailey sighed silently thanking heaven for giving her this man.

"It would be better, I guess."

" _No problem. Coming to you?_ "

She giggled, "You'll get sick."

" _Hailey._ " She heard his chair crawl on the floor and imagined him moving away from the bullpen, " _We were together last night. If I had to get sick, the damage is already done._ "

Hailey closed her eyes at the throbbing headache sensation that grew with each moment.

"Uh, don't know, I'm beat. I don't think I'll be a good company."

" _Okay, okay. When I finish here, I'll call you and we'll decide, okay?_ "

"Okay. Thank you, Jay."

She dropped the phone onto her desk before letting her head sink into her arms. She was probably spiking a fever and her head was killing her.

Her schedule reminded her cruelly that she still had two appointments before she could crawl into her pajamas and end this hellish day.

A light knock on the door and her next patient's head slowly pulled her out of the fog of her thoughts.

Slipping into her work was simple and reassuring. The noises outside her office window showed her how the world kept moving fast as her brain slowed down.

Well sooner than she thought, Hailey found herself slipping into the silence of her home. She closed the door behind her, starting to undress already in the hallway. The idea of sinking into her pajamas was so tempting that she couldn't think and do about anything else. She walked slowly back into the living room grabbing the blanket on the armrest and wrapping it around her body.

Her chills shook her so hard leaving no doubts about her having a fever and her cough left her sore and tired every time.

With the TV playing in the background, she quickly sank into a restless sleep completely unaware of the passing time.

She woke only to the sound of the doorbell ringing and it took her a few seconds to figure out what was really going on. She stood up hugging the blanket against her body staggering towards the entrance and when she saw Jay, she realized she had left her phone in her jeans abandoned in the bedroom.

"Hey…" She coughed hiding her face in the blanket.

Jay laughed at her as he walked in and she closed the door behind him, "You're miserable."

She nodded absently following him unable to do anything else, but she slowly blinked focusing on the situation only when she saw him move in her kitchen opening and closing the cabinets and turning on the stove.

"What are you doing?"

He shrugged giving her a quick glance and continuing to move all around her, "Just some shopping. You're sick, you need to drink hot tea and eat chicken soup."

"This is cute." She groaned as she sat down.

"I'm glad to see you realized I'm cute after months." Jay chuckled leaving a quick kiss in her hair before pushing her into the living room.

"Go lie down, I'll be right there."

She shuffled onto the couch, glancing over her shoulder again to see him move quietly in her space. It was relaxing and…comfortable - and she really didn't mind seeing it happen.

She turned up the volume on the TV slightly and after a few minutes Jay sat down next to her. His warm body almost felt like a gift from heaven against the chills that made her chatter and gravitate towards him was never easier.

"I may have caught cold going for a run yesterday morning." She groaned after a few seconds.

"Yeah, you could." Jay laughed placing her legs on his thighs making her sink more comfortably beside him, "You have a fever, right?"

"Didn't measure it."

"Why?"

"Too tired."

Jay laughed again and the movement of his chest made her jump in pain.

"Sorry sorry, no more laughter."

Jay freed himself from her standing up and Hailey whimpered softly as she collapsed onto the side of the couch where he was.

"Is the thermometer in the cabinet in the bathroom?"

"Yeah, all the medicines. Where I have the bandaids." She answered by curling into a ball as his footsteps slowly drifted away from her. The loss of his body was almost a physical pain and she clenched her fists against the blanket trying to warm up.

Hailey opened her eyes again, feeling Jay slip under her and gladly welcomed the warmth radiating from his body.

She whimpered again resting an arm against his stomach under the hoodie and her head against his chest.

"I feel like crap."

"Well, you look like it."

"Hey!" She croaked lightly hitting his side.

He chuckled softly kissing her forehead, "The cutest crap though."

"Ugh, Hailey. I figured you had a high fever, take this." He handed her two tablets and a glass of water and she accepted it all without complaining - not that she really had the strength.

She went back to lean against him closing her eyes and tightening her grip a little against his side.

"Get some sleep, okay?"

She nodded absently as her body was already surrendering to the flu. The last thing she felt before slipping into sleep was his hand tracing relaxing patterns against her back.

...

When she opened her eyes, no more light came through the window and the images that flowed on the TV created dances of lights on the opposite wall.

She blinked as she slowly moved her head to find that she was completely lying on top of Jay, who was now stretched out on the couch. One of his hands was tied to her hair while the other was resting against her back.

Hailey slid an arm against his chest until her palm rested against the soft, warm skin of his neck.

She didn't really think she would ever get used to the feel of his skin beneath her.

"What time is it?"

Her voice was hoarse and her throat was killing her.

Jay lifted his head as he heard her words and move slightly beneath her.

"Almost ten. You slept a couple of hours. How do you feel?"

"Uh, still cold."

Hailey tried to stretch her legs but she was too sore. A snort of pain escaped her lips before she could hold it back.

"Yeah, I thought. I think you still have a high fever. What do you think about eating something?"

Hailey groaned as she tightened her grip on him. The idea of her getting up made her headache worse and eating made her nauseous, but when Jay pulled her to her feet she forced herself to follow him into the kitchen.

She slumped into her chair and rolled the blanket around her shoulders and, again, she watched him move quietly in her kitchen.

His cheeks were flushed and occasionally he fanned his face with his hands and, for the first time, it occurred to her that she was shivering and he was probably just dying of heat having been with her and a blanket on for hours.

Even in the fog of her thoughts, she couldn't keep her heart from beating faster just by looking at him.

She didn't really think their blind date could turn into such a relationship. By now having Jay around was relaxing and simple and she would have lied if she said she didn't hope this could last.

The more she got used to him - the more she learned about him - and the more she felt the need to be honest with him.

And she didn't know if it was the fever, but suddenly she was aware of the need to tell him something, to explain how she had become what she was.

She had been honest with him about everything, except for her family. And, if during the first months together, she had locked this thought in the farthest part of her brain without having any doubts about it, she was now beginning to waver.

She felt the need to be honest, to be completely inside this relationship, taking the risk that he didn't want to stay with her anymore. She knew it could happen and that was the main reason she kept quiet about it.

She didn't like talking about it because it sucked what she'd been through. And, again, sometimes it was just easier to walk away from a person with all those demons.

But she trusted Jay enough and, really, she hoped he wouldn't stop at her past.

"Here we are, delicious recipe. Chicken soup for those who feel like crap."

Jay set a bowl in front of her before sitting on the other side of the table. In front of him a cold toast but which he didn't seem to care about.

Hailey absentmindedly sipped her hot soup, feeling the chills slowly subside as she watched him eat.

He was calm and relaxed and so comfortable with her - as if it was normal to keep her company while she was sick. And, again, she was dazzled by everything that her life was offering her.

They were silent for the entire dinner, she was too lost in her thoughts to really notice the glances he gave her from time to time.

The more she realized she wanted to tell him more about her past, the more her heart thundered in her ears - as if the headache wasn't enough.

She let out a shaky breath seeing Jay sit on the couch and she folded her arms under the blanket. She stood leaning against the door jamb as everything inside her begged to run away and scream at the same time.

"Do you feel good? Have you got a fever? You have to wait at least another hour to take more medicine…"

Jay shifted uncomfortably across the couch with a worried expression and she nearly sobbed before his gentle eyes. She sat on the other side of the couch pulling her legs against her chest.

"I have to tell you something."

Jay held his breath and tilted his head to one side waiting for her to continue.

"I…uhm, I'm not even sure why I'm doing this." She laughed bitterly as her head continued to feel like it was splitting in two.

"Just tell me what's going on. If this is too much, between us, just tell me."

She immediately shook her head, clenching her hands in tight fists.

"We never really talked about our past and until now I was fine with it, but maybe…maybe it's not okay. I know something about the Ranger, I already know Will, but what do you know about me? Nothing and, I don't know, I would just like to forget, but I can't. And I want to be honest with you. Because you deserve it and..."

Jay cut her off with a shake of his head, "You don't owe me anything."

"I know, I..." Hailey sighed, holding back the chills that rose up her spine, "I had a lousy childhood. The lousy type I hate talking about and I hardly ever see my parents."

He nodded slowly while remaining silent.

"My dad was… Once, maybe I was ten, I had a fever and didn't go to school. And I remember it was morning and I was at home alone with my dad. I was in bed and I was shivering and he was already drunk."

Her voice was hoarse and Hailey was lost in her memories. Something heavy was crushing against her chest and it was suddenly harder to breathe - it had nothing to do with the fever.

"I went down to the kitchen to look for something hot but…he wasn't happy with it. I remember this blue mug, it was my favorite and then it suddenly exploded against the wall." Hailey breathed shakily, clutching the blanket in her hands.

She didn't know why she was talking about it, it just slipped from her lips as if it were normal - as if the burning sensation in her throat was due to the flu and not the desperate urge to cry.

"Hey." Jay ran a hand through her hair softly and she let out a soft sob.

She took a deep breath before continuing, his hand in her hair like an anchor that held her steady in reality.

"He loved repeating to me that I was his brightest star, his little flower. But then he didn't even want me to forget that I was the youngest and unwanted one."

For a moment she thought about losing it - losing herself in memories - but then she felt the light caress of his hand in her hair and breathing became slightly easier, "My brothers and I have been through hell, but…I also have good memories, you know?"

Her voice fell silent for a few seconds and suddenly Jay's face lit up with awareness.

"Hailey..."

He let her name slip between his lips and she closed her eyes shaking her head. She didn't want to see the look of pity she knew she would find there.

"Hailey, look at me. Please."

His voice was just a breath and she felt the gentle squeeze of his hand on her knee. When she opened her eyes, there was only Jay in front of her - sweet, gentle and relaxing Jay.

"I know…" Hailey breathed shakily, "This can be a lot to accept and it's okay if you don't want to…I mean…"

"What are you saying?" Jay frowned at her, letting the hand that was resting on her knee fall helplessly, "Do you think this scares me? That I want to get away from you?"

She shrugged unable to say more. It seemed too difficult to speak now, as if all of her strength had been drained away and she could only go back to sleep.

"Hailey." His voice was almost strangled, "This…this doesn't change anything. It's you, here with me. Nothing changes."

"Really?"

An expression of amazement slipped on his face, immediately replaced by a smile, "Sure."

' _Nothing changes._ ' ' _Nothing changes._ ' ' _Nothing changes._ '

She repeated his words in her mind over and over and, like every time, his presence calmed her thoughts.

Jay let his hand slip through her hair and she squinted at the light caress. She didn't know what she had done to deserve him, but he was there and she was so happy, so overwhelmed.

"You still have a high fever, can you just come here?"

Jay pulled her lightly towards him and Hailey collapsed against him. She stood there, her face pressed against his neck and her eyes closed, while the TV continued to airing a game.

Jay was breathing slowly beneath her, rocking her into a sleepy and warm world.

But when she felt his hand slowly slide down her back and his satisfied sigh from beneath her, a tear ran down her cheek.

For better or for worse, her past was what had made her what she was and maybe, after all, she was fine like that.

But as she was there, with his chest rising and falling beneath her, she realized that for the first time she could breathe deeply - that for the first time, she felt what it meant to be free.

She struggled untangled turning in her arms until she met his eyes - clear and calm.

"I love you. Oh god." She breathed softly as she tapped her fingers against his neck, "I love you, Jay."

She met his eyes after a few seconds of silence and Jay leaned towards her, gently brushing her lips with his before kissing her cheekbones and the tip of her nose. He was soft, kind and she was so overwhelmed by him.

Before her tired gaze, he chuckled lightly, "You're so beautiful."

Hailey moaned as she dropped onto him. The movement made her cough and whimper in pain.

He intertwined a hand through her hair again while his other hand slid along her spine slowly and she began to slip slowly into sleep.

All the energy that she had recovered in the few hours of sleep had vanished from that horrible conversation and she was now struggling to even keep her eyes open.

"Hailey." Jay breathed in her name softly, "I love you too."

"Good." She mumbled already almost asleep, then slipping her face into his neck - her favorite place in the world.

...

"Jay?"

Hailey stretched out on the sofa looking for the figure of the man she was sure she had fallen asleep on.

"Hey, how are you feeling?"

She slowly opened her eyes on hearing his voice and found him kneeling in front of the couch with a glass in his hands.

"Everything hurts."

"Yeah, I thought. I think you still have a high fever. Take these."

He handed her some pills and she swallowed them with a few sips of water. She whimpered uncomfortably as she felt a fire burst into her throat and buried her head under the blanket.

"My throat hurts."

"I know, I know." He caressed her arm before wrapping the blanket around her shoulders and helping her stand up.

"Are we going for a ride?" She asked blinking to try to clear the fog in her sight.

"No." He chuckled as he pushed her down the hall, "Go to bed. You'll be more comfortable."

Hailey hummed holding his hand, "You'll come with me?"

"I'll take a shower and then come, okay?"

She nodded as she crawled into bed and pulled the blanket up over her head, "Uh, shower, yeah. So you'll be warm."

Jay chuckled digging into her closet, but she was already drifting off to sleep.

...

Hailey opened her eyes again as she felt the mattress move beside her. Her feet were frozen and her throat was still killing her and this was probably going to be an endless night. She just hoped to fall asleep and wake up the next morning feeling much better.

"I know you're not sleeping."

Jay whispered chuckling behind her and Hailey turned to meet him on the other side of the bed.

When she touched his chest she groaned in relief at the feel of his warm skin. Without even thinking about it, she moved completely against him by knotting their legs and squeezing an arm against his stomach.

"Oh please, yes." She sighed in satisfaction with her cheek pressed against his hot shoulder.

Jay chuckled at her as he put his arm around her shoulders and pulled the blanket a little over them.

"You still cold?"

"I'm freezing."

"So we're gonna stay like this all night?"

"Obviously." She sighed.

"I'll die of heat, right?"

"Oh, definitely."

Hailey gave him a quick kiss on the jaw and then she rested her head on his chest again closing her eyes.

His steady breathing lulled her into such a desired unconscious state that Hailey simply accepted it without complaint. She drifted off to sleep feeling his hand slowly pass through her hair.

...

The first thing she felt before opening her eyes was the feeling of warmth that she didn't feel the day before.

She opened her eyes slowly blinking against the blurry morning light. Outside the window there seemed to be a completely different world from the day before - the sun had been replaced by a pouring rain - and never before was she happy to be under the blanket.

She slowly moved her legs feeling Jay's still intertwined with hers as his arm was dropped against her side. She could feel him breathing deeply behind her with his chest moving and pushing against her back.

Despite the general malaise she still felt, she gladly welcomed the feeling that she no longer had a fever.

Jay's other arm was under her neck and she felt him stretch in his sleep, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her lightly against his body.

She held back the slight laugh knowing that he had probably been awake most of the night and decided to let him sleep a little longer. After all, she really didn't mind staying in bed anymore. Just because she no longer had a fever didn't mean she wouldn't like to spend all day in bed. It was Saturday and she wasn't supposed to go to her office, so she probably would use that weekend just to rest and sleep.

Glancing quickly at the alarm clock on the bedside table and seeing that it was just after seven in the morning, she realized that Jay hadn't set the alarm and this could only mean that he didn't have to work today.

She sighed in satisfaction at the thought of really not leaving this bed anytime soon and she closed her eyes again, wrinkling her nose against his freckled arm.

She could no longer fall asleep, but laid there watching the rain with his slow breathing through her hair until she heard him move behind her and slowly yawn.

She smiled noticing how, despite spending an almost entire sleepless night, his body was so used to waking up early that it did not allow him to rest all morning.

"Good morning, sleeping head." Hailey whispered squeezing his arm a little and Jay snorted into her hair.

"Not my fault. How do you feel? You haven't had a fever since about three o'clock last night."

Hailey moaned as she slowly turned to him.

"What time did you fall asleep?"

"Eh, around four in the morning, I guess. Until three o'clock you froze, then you were so hot." Jay muttered in a sleepy voice rubbing his eyes, "It was a complicated night."

She laughed again hoarsely as she wrapped her arms around his torso, "Ah, my hero."

She wasn't really cold, but his warm skin was almost addictive to her and she didn't think she'd be able to stop trying to absorb every second of it.

Jay snorted a laugh as he shifted onto his back and dragged her with him.

"No alarm this morning."

He smiled with his eyes closed and a satisfied expression, "Long weekend."

"I have interesting plans." Hailey said interlacing their legs.

He hummed with his hands through her hair and Hailey leaned towards him, brushing his lips.

"No intention of leaving this bed anytime soon. We both have sleep to catch up on."

"Uh, I really don't mind having a few more hours of sleep with you."

His lips met hers in a slow kiss as her hands glided gently behind his neck.

As if they really have all the time in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys!
> 
> I've been working on this for a while now and I'm really excited to you guys read it!
> 
> It's something different, yeah. Hailey not a cop is strange to write, but always interesting.
> 
> She being a psychologist opens up a number of possibilities which I honestly love to write about.
> 
> Talk soon, H :)


End file.
